The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller
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Maybe the Obamacare enrollment figures are on that Malaysian airliner!

For claiming to be the “party of science”, the Democrats (and their media stenographers) sure seem to have trouble with basic math.

It’s finally time to analyze the Obamacare enrollment numbers that ironically arrived on our doorsteps on April Fools’ Day. To evaluate anything you need to start with a baseline, and my guess is this is one you’ve heard before. For 20 years now it’s been the mating call of some of the most familiar political species of our time, including the Hillary Clinton (Shrillus presidentius wifus), the Barack Obama (Economus wreckus) the Edward Kennedy (Drownus girlfriendea) and the wily N. American Rank and File Democrat (Lemmingus ignoramus). You’ve heard it shouted from the rooftops at NetRoots conventions, blasted out of Volvo speakers by NPR, and feted at vegan BBQ’s hosted by Sanjay Gupta:

“46 million uninsured!”

It’s the number that just won’t die. For going on 20 years now we’ve been fed the falsehood that America is some kind of dastardly, Dickensian dystopia, in which one out of every eight people is involuntarily uninsured and turned away from the hospital to die a slow, painful death in the fetid streets. Never mind the fact that the 46 million number was never fully vetted, but rather pulled from the deep recesses of Hillary Clinton’s sphincter in the early 90’s. Never mind that it has been totally and thoroughly discredited as absurdist hyperbole, along with medical bankruptcy. I say we go with it! After all, if it’s good enough to go completely unchallenged by the mainstream media for two decades, then it’s good enough for me!

46 million it is!

Thankfully the Democrats found a solution to our non-existent problem: They’d force us, under penalty of law, to buy a product we didn’t want mandated by a bill they didn’t read. It’s what Democrats call “tradition.”

So 46 million Americans were forced to buy insurance before the employer mandate kicked in. Here we are — 4 years and 12 million exemptions later — measuring the results. The “most transparent administration ever,” which brought you such Top 10 Hits as The IRS ScandalThe Benghazi Boogaloo, and If You Like Your Plan You Can Keep Your Plan, tells us the number is 7 million. In a stroke of pure coincidence, that’s exactly what they predicted on exactly the day they predicted it to happen! (After 17 revisions of course.) To a thinking man this would sound a little too convenient, but I say we go with it.

7 million it is!

“But what about Medicare?!” scream the delusional harpies of the media Left. “Look at how many people signed up for that!” Um – that’s lovely, but there’s only one problem: Medicare isn’t Obamacare – it’s Medicare. For those of you who just landed on Earth yesterday, I’ll explain: Medicare (and it’s obnoxious little brother Medicaid) were founded in 1965, right around the time our current president was enjoying a nice, medium-rare fillet de Fido under the hot Indonesian sun.

Medicare was there before Obamacare, it would be there without Obamacare, and it will be there long after Obamacare is gone. We didn’t need to dismantle the entire American health care system, cancel millions of perfectly good insurance policies, and rip Americans away from for their beloved doctors, just to moderately expand a program we already had in place. Giving Obama credit for Medicare is a little like giving him credit for the Paris Peace Accords or the Smoot-Hawley Tariff. (In an ironic twist, Bryon York notes that it was Republicans who advocated for an expansion of Medicare instead of the full dismantling of our health care system). Naturally Obama was right there to take credit for their idea – a la Clinton and his “welfare reform.” The next thing you know Al Gore will be taking credit for inventing the internet.