I am a little tardy in submitting this column as I was busy poring over the latest official list of things we aren’t supposed to bring up if Hillary Clinton runs for president, which is updated hourly.
The formidable Clinton Media Machine is whirring, having been largely dormant since the early 2000s, when it somehow managed to give Rudy Giuliani prostate cancer. As Hillary was the heavily favored — nay, inevitable – candidate in 2008 (sound familiar?), only a scaled-down version was brought out of mothballs then. Not willing to get caught off guard like that again, it is making sure it’s up to speed nice and early this time.
Here is what I have been able to put together so far regarding what shall not be discussed regarding Her Madameship:
- Her age.
- Her health.
- Her record as Secretary of State.
- Her husband’s, um, hobbies.
- Her record as a United States Senator.
- Cheese food products.
Here is what we can talk about:
It is quite understandable that they don’t want to entertain much discussion about Mrs. Clinton’s accomplishments. She doesn’t really accomplish a lot. If you don’t believe me, just ask her.
In addition to finding new and clever ways to scream, “Shut up, misogynist!” at anyone who brings up her record, the media faces the monumental task of humanizing a woman who long ago traded her soul for a little political capital. She has virtually none of the ability to connect with human beings that her husband does. She can’t even pull off being warmer than the notoriously cold current occupant of the White House. President Obama seems distant and aloof. Hillary Clinton seems “Alien vs. Predator.”
We are already being treated to “informal polls of” and “long discussions with” Hillary’s friends to paint a more flattering picture of a woman who has had two solid decades in the spotlight to paint one of herself and was unable to do so. If you are relatively new to the American political game you might fall for some of this. If, like me, you have been around since Clinton 1.0 in the 1990s you think, “Hillary has friends?”
From all of this noise about Hillary Clinton a portrait of a powerful American feminist and politician who deserves to be president is supposed to emerge.
What we really have is a woman who has ridden the coattails of two men in her life who publicly embarrassed her — one personally and one professionally — and doesn’t have anything from the ride that she really wants to talk about today, thank you very much. Just give her the launch codes and be nice to her because she’s a girl, you binder-wielding #waronwomen Rethuglican.
Republican female politicians are routinely savaged by the Democrat media complex, so the reaction to Karl Rove’s less-than-delicate-because-he’s-Karl-Rove musings about Mrs. Clinton’s knock on the head is yet another indication that we are supposed to treat her like she’s a very special snowflake.
The Clintons didn’t invent the politics of personal destruction but they did elevate it to a high dark art form. Outside of their immediate family, there isn’t a life they wouldn’t gleefully destroy to advance their political careers. The notion that Mrs. Clinton should be ushered into the presidency through some velvet-roped ladies entrance without having to endure the same gauntlet every other candidate not named Obama has endured is ridiculous. The only thing more ridiculous is the press doing advance work saying she already has endured it.