The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller

Great News: Half of All Unemployed Americans Have Given Up Looking for a Job

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

Mark Hemingway, Weekly Standard:

A new poll suggests that finding employment, particularly for the long-term unemployed, continues to be a struggle for Americans. The poll, conducted by Harris Poll on behalf of Express Employment Professionals, asked questions of 1,500 unemployed adult Americans last month…

Some of the key findings:

47 percent agree with the statement, “I’ve completely given up on looking for a job.” (7 percent said they “agree completely,” 7 percent “agree a lot,” 15 percent “agree somewhat,” and 18 percent “agree a little.”)

I’m no math whiz, but that adds up to 94% awesome. No job means you don’t have to work! Just go on unemployment, kick back, and let Uncle Sam spring for the Doritos and beer. (You’re not supposed to buy beer with it, but there are plenty of ways around that.)

Employment?
Bull
Turds!

Even better? Once you stop looking for a job, you’re no longer counted when they calculate the unemployment rate! How the hell is that supposed to work? Who cares? Just remember that it means you’re not making Obama look quite so bad. And isn’t that the most important thing?

Don’t be a statistic: Stop looking for a job today.