The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller
Sideline reporter Melanie Collins is the girlfriend of Florida Panther Scottie Upshall. Upshall definitely outkicked his coverage for being a relatively mediocre player (Photo: Twitter) Sideline reporter Melanie Collins is the girlfriend of Florida Panther Scottie Upshall. Upshall definitely outkicked his coverage for being a relatively mediocre player (Photo: Twitter)  

American World Cup Reporter Melanie Collins Is So Hot, You Might Watch Soccer

In America, soccer’s popularity dips and rises like the stock market. But if Melanie Collins remains a part of it, odds are, your closet is about to house a Clint Dempsey jersey.

Here’s sports’ worst-kept secret: Soccer can be boring. Like, “What’s the nearest utensil I can jam in my eye to get out of this ‘ole, ole, ole-ing’ hellhole before someone munches on my shoulder” boring.

And here’s mankind’s worst-kept secret: Attractive women turn smart guys into cavemen.

Yahoo Sports’ Collins, pictured below with miniature Minotaur Ndamukong Suh, could turn Elon Musk into Barney Rubble.

Make no mistake, in the name of patriotism, I already planned to drape myself in a red, white and blue cape, blare Neil Diamond’s “America” and deep-fry anything with a filling today.

If Belgium bests the U.S. men’s national team now, though, and Collins is replaced by someone who looks prepped for a Cialis commercial, I’m hoarding every Belgian waffle from Sam’s Club and frisbee-ing them, one by one, into the nearest wood chipper.

(Photo: Melanie-Collins.com)

(Photo: Melanie-Collins.com)

(Photo: Twitter)

(Photo: Twitter)

(Photo: Melanie-Collins.com)

(Photo: Melanie-Collins.com)

(Photo: Instagram)

(Photo: Instagram)

(Photo: Melanie-Collins.com)

(Photo: Melanie-Collins.com)

(Photo: Twitter)

(Photo: Twitter)

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