(From L-R) The girlfriend of France (From L-R) The girlfriend of France's forward Loic Remy, Mazda Magui the wife of France's defender Mamadou Sakho and Ludivine Sagna the wife of France's defender Bacary Sagna attend the Group E football match between Ecuador and France at the Maracana Stadium in Rio de Janeiro during the 2014 FIFA World Cup in Brazil on June 25, 2014. AFP PHOTO / FRANCK FIFE  

Every Team Banned From Having Sex At The World Cup Has Been Eliminated [VIDEO]

Apparently not having sex does have an effect on the World Cup: a losing one.

Every team banned from having sex during the World Cup has been eliminated, according to Russia, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Chile and Mexico all saw round-robin or first round elimination, probably because they weren’t allowed to fornicate [citation needed].

In fact, Belgium had a ban for the first three weeks, which means they can celebrate their win over the U.S. on Tuesday with some victory nookie.

Brazil’s players are allowed to have sex so long as it’s not “acrobatic.” It makes sense. Surely they don’t want Alexis Sanchez pulling a hammy trying to do some Kama Sutra.

Two teams’ policies are still unknown, Argentina and Colombia. But it is probably fair to say, based on the evidence, that they’re allowed to score. Who wants to jog around for an hour and a half all backed up? Really, it’s simple science.

As for America, they had no sex restrictions, which easily accounts for their decent showing. And honestly, who could resist Clint Dempsey, starter for USMNT, and part-time rapper?


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