These 11 Movies Are FAR More American Than You

If you think July 4th is just another excuse for you take the day off work, then think again!

It’s about freedom. It’s about liberty. And it’s about Dale Earnhardt (R.I.P. #3).

But it’s mainly about the country that God created in his own image —┬áTHE United States of America. Running the world since we first declared ourselves an independent nation in 1776.

And if you don’t love America, then you can move on back to Europe where you belong pinko!

In honor of this most sacred of holidays, we’ve picked out the movies that bleed red, white and blue from every reel and make you hallucinate a fleet of bald eagles carrying the spirit of freedom to every corner of the globe.

‘MERICA, f**k yeah!

Rambo: First Blood Part II

In 1985, America sends its number #1 domestic terrorist (he literally killed an entire police force in the first movie) on a mission that would seem impossible — win the Vietnam War in 1985. But that’s just because you don’t have any faith in John Rambo and he gives Charlie the ass-whooping they should’ve received back in 1968 all by himself. He liberates POWs and brings back the gold for America, while killing thousands of Vietnamese in the process. Yeah, that’s America. It also has great American actor Sylvester Stallone in it, so extra points.


When a giant asteroid is on a collision-course with Earth, the U.S. doesn’t send well-trained astronauts who know a lot of fancy-schmanzy science. We send semi-educated oil rig workers who spend most of their day hitting golf balls at tree huggers to save the world from complete annihilation instead. Starring all-American badass Bruce Willis, and some other less important people, Armageddon has enough drama and sciencey nonsense to let all citizens know that no other country can blow up a massive asteroid like we can.

Red Dawn

In the 1980s, the Soviet Union ignored its massive domestic problems to do the thing it always dreamed of — invade middle-of-nowhere America for no real reason at all (like seriously, what is the strategic importance of this town out in Colorado?) Disregarding common sense and basic military strategy, “Red Dawn” boasts one of a hell stellar cast that includes: pre-coked out Charlie Sheen, Patrick Swayze in all his glory, and some other guys whose careers never made it out of the decade. When the entire Soviet military invades their small town, the only thing standing in their way is the varsity squad of the high school football team. But that’s all it takes to defeat the Evil Empire and for America to win back its freedom.

Invasion U.S.A.

Chuck Norris single-handedly fends off an entire Communist invasion of the continental US. Literally. There’s nothing else to this plot. But that’s what makes American art.

The Patriot

This movie might rewrite history just a little bit, but who cares about accuracy when you can write your own version? In this 2000 classic, Nazi Germans disguised in British redcoats pillage the countryside and genocide colonials all before one man stands up for his people — and that’s Mel Gibson. The film’s major battle ends with the subtle climax of Gibson impaling the ruthless villain with Old Glory. Tasteful, patriotic, and just like the history books.