Conservative truck owners have a new way to rebel against environmentalists and the government’s obsession with carbon footprints: tricking-out diesel pickups with coal stacks that spew black smoke. Called “coal rollers,” these smoky renegades use their sweet chimney stacks to smoke-out hybrids by emitting black exhaust into the atmosphere.
Here at The Daily Caller, we are going to give you the basics on how to modify your pickup, so every hybrid driven by some guy in a pink Argyle sweater will know exactly where you stand.
1. You have to drive a diesel. Sorry, but in order to roll coal, you’ll have to switch out that gas-guzzler for a diesel truck the purrs. Diesel fuel is the only way to get those really black clouds of darkness, according to Diesel Hub. Thick clouds of smoke are produced because fuel is pushed from the engine without being completely burned, and then leaves the pickup as black soot — and diesel is the only fuel with that sooty power.
2. Choose exhaust pipes that match your personality. Called “stacks,” there are a lot of options for the chimney pipes to build on your truck. Ranging from traditional exhaust pipes that extend from the rear of the truck, or the massive double stacks to add on the bed of the truck directly behind the cab, no matter what you choose, it’ll look badass. And luckily enough, stacks are easy to come by, and even come in kits, according to Parleys Diesel.
3. Install a smoke switch and start rolling coal like a pro. A smoke switch is the key to fooling your engine into thinking it needs more fuel, which lets out the excessive amount of diesel needed to belch clouds of black smoke. Smoke switches can be built, and sometimes bought, for most types of diesel engine. If you’re the proud owner of a Cummins or PowerStrokes engine, the switches are easier to install and use, according to Diesel Hub. Duramax switches, on the other hand, are more difficult to build. Installing a smoke switch is the cheapest way to roll coal, because it requires a lot of at-home building and installation, but it’s not necessarily the safest way.
4. Installing tuners and modules to your truck is another option for rolling some sweet coal. Adding tuners and modules to the engine will also pump your pickup’s engine with more fuel than necessary, but unlike adding a smoke switch, this option is much safer, according to a Ford Truck enthusiasts forum. Tuners and modules often come equipped with safety provisions like exhaust temperature gauges (EGT) that will save you from destroying your catalytic converter. (RELATED: Trucks Blow Smoke To Annoy Liberals)
5. Invest the big bucks and get the smokiest return. If you really want some deep, black clouds of soot, you’re going to have to go all out with installations. According to Diesel Hub, the best way to roll coal is to aggressively custom tune your truck and install some big-ass injectors. Injectors pump massive amount of fuel into the engine during each injection cycle, while the tunning fools the engine into wanting more fuel. And voila, the biggest and best clouds are formed.