The Daily Caller

The Daily Caller

How Many Sh*t Metaphors Can A Reporter Have In One Story?

Heart shape poop on grass. Getty Images by Ed Morris.  Heart shape poop on grass. Getty Images by Ed Morris.   

Turns out, a shitload.

The Daily Banter‘s Tommy Christopher really went to town with the “shit” metaphor this week when he wrote about ISIS, Iraq and Syria.

In the first sentence alone, there are two uses of the word “dumbshit.”

The second graph goes on to mention “dumbshittery” along with “primo brain feces.”

Moving on to paragraph 3, things get even more graphically shitty.

This kind of dumbshit is irritating, if predictably insane, when it comes from the right, and somewhat infuriating when it comes from the more suggestible quarters of the mainstream media, but it becomes absolutely intolerable when it comes from my side. Even there, the brown blizzard is too thick to navigate completely, so I will only attempt to shovel one corner of the sidewalk here.”

Paragraph 5: Tommy has now moved on to “every asshole.”

In paragraph 6 things get explosive when he talks about how he doesn’t believe that MSNBC’s Chris Hayes is really confused about Syria. He starts off his critique of Hayes with the intriguing tactic of complimenting him and insulting himself (groan): “Then, there’s Chris Hayes, who, I will stipulate from the outset, is probably a lot smarter than I am, and is definitely a better human being.”

“I refuse to believe that Chris Hayes is truly confused about how blowing the living shit out of ISIS in Syria might actually not ergo ipso facto strengthen Assad, because it would free up the Free Syrian Army to fight Assad instead of killing ISIS assholes like this guy.”

WaPo “humor columnist Gene Weingarten lives for shit like this.