DC Trawler

(Stripper in Florida) Mother Of The Year

You put the word “stripper” in a headline and I’m probably going to read that story, or at least click on the link to see the picture.

You put “stripper mom” in a headline and I’ll probably still click on the link because, well, “stripper.”

And if your headline includes, “Stripper mom,” “missing girl” and “cops,” I’m thinking “Florida.”

Florida, America’s flaccid genitals, is the home of some of the most depraved and downright creepy mutants the human gene pool has ever produced. So it’s little surprise that a stripper there would prioritize her spins around the pole over reporting her daughter missing.

A woman called police to report her granddaughter missing, last seen with her mother, Bobbey Jo Boucher. Bobbey Jo (no, that “e” is not a type-o) took her 10-year-old daughter to a BBQ joint for some food and, like any good parent would, left her there to go to her stripping job.

Police called Bobbey Jo to gather information to aid them in finding her unaccounted for daughter. But Bobbey Jo is from Florida, and a stripper, and named Bobbey Jo with an extra “e,” so…

While talking to the police, Bobbey Jo’s turn on stage came around. Since she was talking to the police about her missing daughter, she did what:

1) Had one of the other dancers take her slot so she could finish providing as much information as the police needed to help find her daughter.

Or,

2) Told police she “had to get on stage,” then hung up on them to go bathe herself in rolled-up dollar bills.

Well, if the answer were 1 we’d have never heard of her, and the story would, most likely, not have happened in Florida.

Bobbey Jo disputes the police version of the story, saying she simply put the officer on hold to take another call. Only in Florida would that seem like an acceptable excuse for ending a missing persons report on your daughter.

The missing girl was found unharmed after four hours, this Mother Of The Year nominee was charged with obstruction.

No date has been set for the Mother Of The Year ceremony yet, but Bobbey Jo should keep her calendar open.