The Mirror

Bristol Palin Claws Media With 10 Perfect Post Brawl Nails

Sarah Palin‘s daughter, Bristol, doesn’t just hate the media. She despises it. But today, in a first-person account on the “Palin family brawl,” she sounded the typical rallying cry of many conservative websites out there: It’s the liberal media — they’re all biased! Specifically, she claims the media has revealed its bias against conservative women like herself.

Bristol, please.

She describes the dramatic battleground in which her little sister, Willow, was knocked to the ground by a grown woman and her friend got “knocked out” and needed 10 stitches. When she tried to defend her sister, she was also shoved to the ground by a 200-pound man who kept her down while she lay there helpless. She wrote that he yelled at her, saying, “You c-nt!”

Bristol goes on to correct details she says the media got wrong. No, she says, she didn’t swing at the man seven times, as evidenced by–no joke–her fingernails: “After this incident, I still had a perfect manicure on all ten of my nails.”

She expected the media to sit back and what, not cover this? Is she delusional?

Yet she describes a media that would’ve obviously brushed all this off had it been the Clintons.

Specifically, Chelsea Clinton.

Excuse me, Bristol, but have you read the stories about how bad a job Chelsea did at NBC and the outrage many felt by a $600,000 paycheck they said she didn’t deserve? But even if you don’t think those stories were negative enough, how about Chelsea as a teenager, when there were stories and late-night jokes about how ugly and awkward she was? Or Chelsea’s father, former President Bill Clinton, getting impeached because he lied about sexual relations he’d had with an intern named Monica Lewinksy. From start to finish, the press did not ignore the Clintons. Further, Monica blames Matt Drudge, a conservative, for ruining her life. And Hillary Clinton hates the media so much that among the reported reasons why she may not run for President involves dealing with the media.

Bristol points out that the media said Trig was not her mom’s child. But Chelsea also endured this kind of attention. Does Bristol really not recall the countless stories wondering whether Arkansas lawyer Webb Hubbell was Chelsea’s biological father?

Bristol kindly wonders whether people know that Chelsea’s father-in-law, Edward Mezvinsky, is a convicted felon. She writes knowingly, “Of course you didn’t. Because the friends and family of the revered liberal elite are treated like delicate China.” Except, yeah, of course we did. Thanks, Bristol. That news is so old it has wrinkles. And China? There’s nothing delicate about China. Perhaps you meant “china.” 

She also graciously brings up Veep Joe Biden‘s son, who got tossed from the Navy for testing positive for cocaine. She calls him the “real Vice President’s kid.” A quick Google search turns up more than 380,000 hits. From CNN to The Daily Beast to The National Enquirer, they all covered Hunter Biden‘s cocaine scandal.

Still crying media bias?

Actually, yes, she has more tears.

She goes on to piously talk about violence toward women and how it’s never okay. Well, of course it’s never okay. But what’s infinitely worse is her telling us that violence against women is never okay because no, shit Bristol. Outside of the NFL, everyone knows violence against women is not okay. She writes, “Here’s the thing.  Violence against women is never okay…  Even if that violence occurs against conservative women.”

(Severe eye roll.)

Hey Bristol, if you’re going to blast the media, how about letting a trusted member of your non-brawling family proof your copy?

Sentence 3: “Recently, they said my parents are giving a divorce.” (No doubt, you meant “getting” and not that they’re “giving” a divorce as, say, a housewarming gift.)

She also points out that her mom never said, “I can see Russia from my house.” True enough, Sarah Palin never said it. Actress Tina Fey did. But what her mother actually said led to the parody of her actual words. In an interview with ABC’s Charlie Gibson, she said, “They’re our next-door neighbors. And you can actually see Russia, from land, here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska.”

It’s fine to cite media bias when it happens. And it definitely does. But to act like a victim of some “liberal media” because you don’t want your family covered after they’ve put themselves in the spotlight, in the news, on “Dancing With The Stars” and on reality shows again, again and again?

Sorry, but that just doesn’t fly.