Drugs are bad, kids. And if you want proof, look no further than the sordid tale of Colorado State University student Stefan Sortland.
Last weekend, Sortland, 18, attended a Halloween concert on Saturday night. He ingested some “molly” — a synthesized party drug that makes you feel really good all over. He also snorted some cocaine.
Sortland appeared on the radar of Fort Collins police — pretty much literally — a few hours later when members of an emergency crew from a local hospital called in a missing ambulance, reports area ABC affiliate KMGH.
The paramedics had been called to the Colorado State campus to treat a drunk student who was having seizures.
Using GPS, police managed to track the ambulance to Loveland, a town about 15 miles due south of Fort Collins.
When cops found the missing ambulance, it was in the middle of a highway with a number of doors ajar. The front end was wrecked. Fluid was seeping out.
Sortland had wandered about 30 yards away from the wreckage. In his possession were a mobile phone, a blanket and, of course, a box of Wheat Thins.
Police used a stun gun on Sortland when he refused to follow their orders. He also refused to answer any questions. He did have a question of his own, though. It was: “Why are the lights flashing on the cars?”
Cops at the scene theorized that Sortland managed to hit the highway median with the ambulance, popped up on a curb, smashed into a sign and drove the wrong way back across the median. (RELATED: Naturally, College Student Charged With Re-Creating ‘Grand Theft Auto’)
Sortland’s next stop was the Loveland Police Department. There, a police report indicates, the student “stood on a bench, kicked the wall, and masturbated.”
A fairly peaceful interlude followed. Police interviewed the student. He admitted to taking drugs. He said the friends with whom he attended the concert “were dead, in heaven and had committed suicide,” according to local Fox affiliate WGHP.
Sortland also apologized to police for his actions.
Later, though, he allegedly punched a sheriff’s deputy in a booking area of the jail, giving the deputy a concussion.
Cops tracked down the concert-going friends. They said they were fine. Police also tracked down Sortland’s dad, who noted that he had received some weird texts from his son recently.
According to Salt Lake City Fox affiliate KSTU, Sortland now faces a raft of charges including aggravated vehicle theft, obstructing EMS, reckless driving, attempted motor vehicle theft and unlawful possession of a controlled substance.
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