A couple weeks ago, The Daily Caller completed its alphabetical tour de force showing that racism has seeped into every nook and cranny of American life including superhero movies, the weather and the very air we breathe.
It was hard, arduous work. Now, some 19 articles later — and still feeling grimy and contaminated from multiple visits to obscure sites like Salon deep in the bowels of the Internet — it’s time to celebrate. It’s time to kick back, relax and enjoy the greatest hits of all the things someone, somewhere has deemed racist.
A is for academic freedom, which is racist according to Sandra Korn, a highfalutin Harvard University student and a columnist for the Harvard Crimson. In a February column, Korn unambiguously insisted that the Ivy League school should stop guaranteeing professors and students the right to hold controversial views and should instead only pursue research that strives for “justice” by opposing “racism, sexism, and heterosexism.” Korn’s Facebook likes include OccupyHarvard, Students Occupy Boston and Left Futures/Jacobin Reading Group. (RELATED: Harvard Writer: Free Speech Threatens Liberalism And Must Be Destroyed)
B is for the Benghazi select committee. The committee is racist, according to the creative logic of South Carolina Rep. James Clyburn, because it makes President Barack Obama look bad. It’s “the same kind of thing that led to the end of Reconstruction,” Clyburn told NewsOne Now host Roland Martin in May. “I seem to remember our history, when after Reconstruction, when people of color gained political presence throughout the South, they drummed up all kinds of things and indictments and accusations,” the Congressman born in 1940 explained. “They drove these people out of the South. And I see the same kind of efforts to discredit this president.” (RELATED: A Brief History Of Racism: The Clyburn Files)
C is for coconut bras. In May, administrators at the University of California, Irvine deemed bikini tops made of polished coconut half shells racist after the Phi Gamma Delta fraternity — known since 1894 by the moniker FIJI — hosted a charity fundraiser. The event was called the FIJI Islander party. It featured students dressed in coconut bras and grass skirts. The kerfuffle began when Save Gasaiwai, a UCI student of Fijian descent, complained that the event caused pain to “marginalized” people and reinforced “white male hegemonic structures.” (RELATED: UC Irvine Leftists Call FIJI Frat Racist For Fundraiser Featuring Coconut Bras, Grass Skirts)
D is for Duck Dynasty. A&E’s hugely popular reality TV series, which is about a loving family that makes duck calling devices. It isn’t just racist, it’s apparently an agent of white supremacy. In a discussion last December about a growing “us versus them culture” totally infesting America, MSNBC’s Michael Eric Dyson said Phil Robertson and his family are “part of a majority white supremacist culture that either consciously or unconsciously incubates hatred toward those who are different.”
E is for ending racism. Though it may sound a little counter-intuitive that the absence of racism would in itself be racist, the brilliant Justice Sonia Sotomayor told American exactly why this is so. Sotomayor made her wise judgment in a dissenting opinion after the Supreme Court ruled the feds can’t force the state of Michigan to engage in racial discrimination. Michigan had passed a proposal mandating race-neutral state policy, which effectively banned affirmative action in that state. But Sotomayor complained that Michigan’s decision to ban a racist policy was really racist, because it “changed the basic rules of the political process in that State in a manner that uniquely disadvantaged racial minorities.”
F is for food poisoning at ethnic restaurants. Such queasiness is racist because, according to some writer at Slate, people who barf after eating and then post restaurant reviews on Yelp “tend to blame restaurants that serve ‘ethnic food’ — that is, preparations particular to culinary traditions originating outside of Europe.”
G is for golf jokes about Barack Obama. Such jokes are racist because, leftist talking heads argue, Republicans make fun of the president too much for golfing all the time instead of doing his job. For example, says Michelle Malkin, after Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell ribbed Obama for “working to earn a spot on the PGA tour,” MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell read the hammy quip’s subtext as “Obama equals Tiger Woods equals RACISM.” (RELATED: Obama Has Golfed Four Times More Than Bush Did In Eight Years)
H is for hump day. At the University of St. Thomas, a Catholic school in St. Paul, Minn. with a fancy Muslim prayer room, an end-of-the-year Hump Day camel appearance was canceled because some students complained that the event would be racially offensive to cultures of the Middle East. “[T]his program is dividing people and would make for an uncomfortable and possibly unsafe environment,” said a school spokeswoman, according to Campus Reform.