Everybody knows that Republicans hate science, and there’s nothing more science-y than space. And yet, in defiance of all logic, a noted “climate denier” has been put in charge of space, and of science itself!
Senator Ted Cruz, who has just taken the unpopular position that the IRS should leave you alone already, has also been named chairman of the Senate Subcommittee on Space, Science, and Competitiveness. In other words, he will oversee NASA.
Let’s watch libs freak out!
TechCrunch, which somehow is not a breakfast cereal for nerds, assumes you already know how to feel about this news:
"That slight twinge you felt was the proper emotion." Delight in your unhappiness, @Alex. http://t.co/b2QMnPQpre via @techcrunch
— Jim Treacher (@jtLOL) January 12, 2015
Some expressed their frustration via the timeless medium of comedy:
"They won't be laughing about me being head of NASA when I bring back all that delicious cheese from the moon." — Ted Cruz
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 13, 2015
Get it? Because that’s what Ted Cruz thinks the moon is made out of: cheese. Like he’s a cartoon character or a differently abled person. (Both of which are true, BTW.)
Well, they can’t all be gems. Sometimes the angle just isn’t there.
"Ted Cruz wants to abolish the IRS, and now he's running NASA. [pause] Anybody here know how to pole-vault?" — @pattonoswalt, probably
— Jim Treacher (@jtLOL) January 13, 2015
See? Oh, if only it had been a different Republican:
@pattonoswalt If only it had been Rubio. "It's like, uh, hello? It's the MOON? There's no WATER?" (Like that one time, remember?)
— Jim Treacher (@jtLOL) January 13, 2015
And then, some leftists are just straight-up pissed off:
Big deal. Just jump the Enterprise through a wormhole and prevent it. RT @wilw You have got to be fucking kidding me. http://t.co/UJGmgOj45b
— Jim Treacher (@jtLOL) January 13, 2015
I don’t suppose it matters who runs NASA, though. We shouldn’t be exploring space anyway, what with the oceans threatening to flood the entire planet. We should be focusing all our energy, all our ingenuity, all our scienticiousness in another direction:
Don’t be afraid, Senator Rubio. It’s just a little water! [AUDIENCE CHUCKLES KNOWINGLY] “Glub glub, what is this stuff? What am I supposed to do with it? Durrrrr!” [AUDIENCE HOOTS WITH JOY]