Breaking: Donald Trump has something huuuggeeeee he wants to tell America.
According to reports, the businessman and perpetual presidential flirt will make a “major” announcement at Trump Tower in New York City June 16 and then travel to New Hampshire the next day.
Considering Trump has hired staff in early primary states, many speculate this time he just might actually be serious about officially getting into the presidential race.
And yet, even as there are some signs that indicate he really will make a run this time, it’s still hard to believe it. Trump has almost no chance of winning the Republican nomination, which one would imagine some of his political advisers must have informed him. Does The Donald really want to open himself up to serious media scrutiny and reveal personal financial information in the service of a quixotic vanity run?
With this in mind, here are the 10 likeliest things Trump will announce on June 16, in order:
1.) He’s building a new golf course in New Hampshire and he will travel there the next day to break ground.
2.) Get ready for another season of the “Celebrity Apprentice.”
3.) He is really a method actor who has only been playing the character of “Donald J. Trump” for the last 68 years.
4.) He is so in love with his brand that he is officially changing his name from Donald Trump to Trump Trump.
5.) The Trump International Hotel in New York has been ranked the best hotel in the city by a revived Trump Magazine.
6.) He now has definitive proof that President Obama was not only born in Kenya, but is also a shape-shifting Lizard man.
7.) He’s suing [insert one of countless names here] for [insert one of countless reasons here].
8.) He has more thoughts on Rosie O’Donnell he feels compelled to share.
9.) He’s cloned himself as a gift to America.
10.) He’s running for president.