Remember Timothy Boomer, also known as the “Cussing Canoeist”? In 1999, Boomer was convicted in Michigan of swearing in front of women and children, a misdemeanor carrying up to a $750 fine. His conviction and $100 fine were eventually overturned, but the antiquated law under which he was charged remained on the books. Though not for very much longer.
Michigan is moving toward repealing 80 outdated and insane laws that, while rarely (if ever) enforced, remain on the books.
Under current Michigan law it is illegal to sing the national anthem in a non-traditional or disrespectful way. Doing so could land you a three-month prison stay.
Repeal of the “swearing statute” and the Star-Spangled Banner law are part of a package of laws facing their end. A bill removing them has cleared the House in Michigan and is headed over to the Senate.
Other laws facing history’s trash heap? One that makes mocking someone who refused a challenge to a duel punishable with up to a $750 fine, and another that has you facing up to 90 days in prison for trespassing into certain berry marshes, like cranberries or huckleberries.
The Detroit Free Press reports on a few other “criminal” activities that could be made legal, should the repeal bill become law.
■ A requirement that any able-bodied man over the age of 18 respond to the state Department of Natural Resources to help out in cases of emergency. Failure to do so is a misdemeanor.
■ A ban on the use of certain words in print advertising relating to sexual diseases, including: “lost manhood” or “lost vitality or vigor.” Violating the act is a misdemeanor carrying a punishment of one year in jail.
■ A ban on certain endurance contests, such as walkathons. A violation carries a jail sentence of 90 days or a $100 fine.
Should the bill pass the Senate and be signed by Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder, you will be able to give that coward who refused a high-noon showdown the obscene public tongue lashing he deserves while signing the national anthem however you like from the middle of a cranberry patch.
Justice, finally. America!