Astrophysicist, author and activist Neil deGrasse Tyson is viewed either as the smartest man on the planet, or a political hack known for making up quotes to attack Republicans. Star Wars fans on both sides of the aisle can now add joyless jerk to that list.
Tyson took it upon himself to complain about the “science” featured in the world’s most popular movie — “Star Wars: The Force Awakens.”
In a series of tweets, Tyson managed to mention no plot points, nothing about hardly anything about the characters and never once says whether or not he even liked the movie.
My promised observations of @StarWars Episode VII #TheForceAwakens follows (with only mild spoiler alerts).
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
After announcing his “observations” to follow, Tyson immediately brought up politics.
In @StarWars #TheForceAwakens, I’m reminded that Red & Blue teams cooperate with one another. Rare in American Politics.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
Starting off lighthearted enough, he commented on the “cuteness” of the new droid compared to an old one.
In @StarWars #TheForceAwakens, BB-8 is waaaaay cuter than R2D2.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
I guess I did just demote R2D2 to “Dwarf Cute” status. No hard feelings though.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
Then, inexplicably, rather than comment on the movie itself, Tyson goes after the “cuter” droid’s ability to function.
In @StarWars #TheForceAwakens, BB-8, a smooth rolling metal spherical ball, would have skidded uncontrollably on sand.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
Still unable to enjoy the movie as a movie, Tyson is compelled to point out there is no sound in space.
In @StarWars #TheForceAwakens the TIE fighters made exactly the same sound in the vacuum of space as in planetary atmospheres
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
After that observation, he then ruins the entire concept of villain’s super-weapon.
In @StarWars #TheForceAwakens, if you were to suck all of a star’s energy into your planet, your planet would vaporize.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
In @StarWars #TheForceAwakens, the energy in a Star is enough to destroy ten-thousand planets, not just a few here & there.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
Still having nothing to do with a review or “thoughts” on the movie itself, Tyson makes it about himself.
In @StarWars #TheForceAwakens, once again I felt isolated and inadequate for not understanding Wookiee-speak.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
Next, he focuses on what one character is eating in one scene, rather than the plot, characters or action.
In @StarWars #TheForceAwakens, the lead character snacks on what includes Romanescu Broccoli, nature’s only fractal food.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
Never seen Romanescu Broccoli? Fractal Earth food befitting a tale of long ago and far, far away. pic.twitter.com/NZDkWpeqOB
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
Then came an attempt at humor.
In @StarWars #TheForceAwakens, the Storm Troopers still run as though they’re carrying a full load of poop in their diapers.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
Again, nothing about the movie itself, just an attempt at humor.
In @StarWars #TheForceAwakens, apparently Wookiees don’t age, or they age much slower than human actors do.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
Tyson then appears to admit he spent a good deal of his time in the theater looking at the background of the space scenes and not much on the story.
In @StarWars #TheForceAwakens, the starry skies were unfamiliar. As they should be, a long time ago in a Galaxy far, far away
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
He then points out what has been long mocked in pop culture like it’s the first time anyone has ever said it: a parsec is a measure of distance, not time.
Unashamed of inanity, #TheForceAwakens repeats the Millennium Falcon boast of completing the Kessel Run in "under 12 parsecs"
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
( A Parsec is an obscure unit of distance in Astrophysics, equal to 3.26 Light Years. Neither has anything to do with time. )
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
It having been a few tweets since he’d made his observations about himself, Tyson returned to his favorite subject.
Both at age 19, my wife saw @StarWars in 1977 & our daughter saw #TheForceAwakens in 2015. I don’t know what that means.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
And just to put a fine point on the fact that he doesn’t understand the appeal of the Star War franchise or care…
With next year’s @SuperBowl 50 the NFL abandons Roman Numerals, leaving @StarWars as the last bastion of this counting system
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
In his final tweet, and sticking to his apparent policy of not mentioning anything from the movie itself in his “observations,” Tyson concludes:
Finally, inspired by @StarWars #TheForceAwakens, here’s my list of the best Hollywood Aliens and why: https://t.co/dbifvoeDJU
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 21, 2015
In typical Tyson style, his first three choices for “best Hollywood Aliens” are not shown in their respective movies: “2001: A Space Odyssey,” “Contact” and the original “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.”