DC Trawler

Michael Moore Has Biggest Opening Weekend Ever (Except For All The Other Ones)

Sometimes it seems like the world is falling apart. Terrorism. Riots in the streets. Climate change that will kill us all any decade now. The continued and inexplicable popularity of The Big Bang Theory. Things are worse than ever, at least until whatever horrible stuff happens tomorrow.

But there’s one good reason to hold our heads high, Human Race. There’s one good reason to believe in a better tomorrow. Because…

We no longer give a $#!+ about Michael Moore.

Pamela McClintock, Hollywood Reporter:

Michael Moore’s Where to Invade Next wasn’t greeted by a victory march at the box office, where its per-theater average ranked below those of the filmmaker’s previous offerings.

Where to Invade — Moore’s first film in six years — opened to an estimated $897,034 from 308 theaters for the three-day holiday weekend, according to final figures released on Monday. That puts the per-location average at $2,912, the worst of the filmmaker’s documentary career behind the $4,452 theater average of The Big One, which opened to $146,909 from 33 theaters in 1998. And it’s also behind the $3,810 average of his one feature, Canadian Bacon, which debuted to $53,345 from 14 theaters in 1995…

His last film, Capitalism: A Love Story, earned $231,964 from four theaters in 2009 for a theater average of $57,991. A week later, it expanded into a total of 962 locations, grossing $4.4 million for a location average of $4,263.

That’s right, more opening-weekend theatergoers sought out a millionaire’s movie about the evils of capitalism than his latest one about… um, whatever it’s about. America being the bad guy, I’m assuming? America’s always the bad guy.

Like any franchise, the Michael Moore brand has kinda run its course. Think of him in terms of Police Academy movies: The first one wasn’t very good, but it had a certain spirit and you got the sense that they were doing their best. Then another one came out, and everybody said, “Okay, I guess that’s what this is.” You knew what you were getting. Mediocre, but dependable. By the time the seventh movie limped into the theaters, all involved were just going through the motions and nobody cared anymore.

Except in Moore’s flicks, you don’t even have Michael Winslow doing those crazy sound effects. That guy is hilarious!

Anyway. Michael Moore sucks. He can go away now. Buh-bye.