The Mirror

Today’s Trump Pooler Has Lost His Damn Mind

In a word: OINK!

Enduring Yahoo News‘s Hunter Walker‘s Trump transition pool reports grew increasingly hilarious as Wednesday wore on.

Not only did he formally ask Trump spokeswoman Hope Hicks if President-elect Donald Trump had his mother’s meatloaf for lunch from the Trump Tower café, but he also wrote that Eric Trump‘s wife, Lara, is porking the elevator. Has he been watching too much Porky Pig?

“Lara Trump, wife of Eric Trump, came to Trump Tower at about 4:07 pm and. Larded the elevators. Your pooler asked her if Eric Wilbur getting a security clearance. She turned around and gave a wide smile, but no answer. Eagle eyed co-pooler Todd Gillman has noticed that the Secret Service is setting up a second x ray machine at the entrance to Trump Tower in addition to the one that was there.”

Perhaps the pooler meant “boarded the elevators?”

Walker later amended his report by correcting “Eric Wilbur,” but said nothing of Lara larding the elevators.

“After a long day autocorrect finally got the best of your pooler,” he wrote in a correction email. “That should have read ‘Eric will be’ not Eric Wilbur.”

The reporter later added to his report about Lara Trump with yet another report that said absolutely nothing. No word if she larded the elevator when she went upstairs a second time.

“Lara Trump came back downstairs at 5:11 pm. She walked towards the Trump Tower bar and then went upstairs. It is not clear what she did in the lobby. Lara ignored another question from your pooler about whether her husband, Eric Trump, will get security clearance.” 

According to the foodie website “About Food,” larding is defined as “a culinary technique for preparing large cuts of meat in which long strips of fat are woven through the meat using a needle called a larding needle. Strips of pork fatback are commonly used for larding, which is how the technique gets its name (because lard is a form of rendered pork fat).”

A journalist suggested to The Mirror that Urban Dictionary offers some fine definitions for larding. “Frankly, I was hoping for something involving obese people having sex, and I am very disappointed,” he remarked.

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The Mirror requested a comment from Walker. He did not immediately reply.

UPDATE: Walker replied. He wrote, “Wow you guys don’t usually reach out for comment! Autocorrect got me. I meant boarded.” Phew!