ESPN reporter Britt McHenry told an emotional tribute on behalf of herself that’s both hysterical and surreal, but let’s set the record straight and make one thing crystal clear: she’s no hero.
The McHenry piece is titled “ESPN’s Britt McHenry: ‘I Blame Myself, but the Video Is Not Who I Am,'” and told to Abigail Pesta for Marie Claire on Monday. The article is supposed to be an apology for her viral rant towards an impound attendant, in which she behaved like a spoiled toddler who didn’t know what the word discipline or respect meant. In her apology there’s so much golden content to dissect. (SLIDESHOW: THESE ARE THE SEXIEST PHOTOS OF RONDA ROUSEY ON THE INTERNET)
WATCH:
So, lets get started on this humble brag piece:
A sports blogger quickly called, asking for comment about the video. My stomach dropped. Then my bosses called, recommending that I return home to Washington, D.C. On the train, dozens of texts poured in from friends, family, coaches, and players who had seen or heard about the video. They said they knew it didn’t represent my true character. “You will get through this,” they said.
Thank goodness that during your trying times following your ridiculous verbal abuse of a helpless woman that everybody was quick to make sure they knew it wasn’t your true character. After all, you are priority number one in this situation. (SLIDESHOW: The UFC’s Newest Octagon Girl Is Barely Dressed In These Jaw-Dropping Photos)
It’s difficult to recall what came next, other than a foggy memory of walking toward a security car parked outside the train station in Washington. My company had hired a security detail to pick me up because people had begun physically threatening me online. I remember feeling a sense of numbness, even though I had tears streaming down my face. I wanted to wake up from this bad dream.
Ah yes, the classic ‘I’m a victim’ narrative following your own dumb decisions. Love how you had to throw in the part about how you had a security car waiting for you. How narcissistic do you need to be to believe that somebody was going to actually try to assassinate an ESPN reporter few people even knew existed at the time? (SLIDESHOW: UFC Star Arianny Celeste Is Nearly Naked For All Her Fans In These Pictures)
I know that as a public figure, scrutiny comes with the territory, and it can be magnified massively by a mistake.
Again, you weren’t really a public figure at the time this event happened, and to be honest it was the best moment of your career. Without it you’d be a lot less famous. But go ahead and keep patting yourself on your back you big hero. (SLIDESHOW: 13 Times Lindsey Vonn Proved She’s One Of The Hottest Women Alive)
Amid the chaos, I tried not to look at the tornado of vulgar and sexist insults online. In fact, I told myself that the only way to survive the onslaught was to avoid it. So I went back to work, telling myself to focus.
Further proof that you’re just a massive hero. I wonder if the Navy SEALs who carried out the Osama Bin Laden raid look in the mirror everyday to wonder if they’re as big of heroes as you are. I somehow doubt they will ever show the courage you have in forgiving yourself. You are truly stunning and brave. (SLIDESHOW: This Supermodel Might Be The Sexiest NFL Girlfriend)
In fact, in dealing with all the stress, the vision in my right eye grew cloudy. I could no longer see clearly; everything was a blur. I went to a retinal specialist, who diagnosed me with CSR, a condition in which vision is impaired, often due to trauma or extreme stress.
At this point I’m really starting to wonder who will play you in the movie. The odds you’ve overcome are absolutely incredible. Again, you are truly a big hero.
If I go out on a date, I feel a need to explain myself before the guy even gets to know me. I wonder: What is his family going to think of me? Would they accept me? The most important thing I could ever dream of having is my own family. I try to tell myself that when I meet someone who truly loves me, he and his family will still embrace me—flaws and all.
However, will they accept the extreme narcissism that comes with having a hero married into the family?
My goal now is to turn my experience into something positive. I’m getting ready to speak in high schools about how to be mindful of your words, how to be self-aware.
If I was a high school administrator you would be the last person on the planet I’d want speaking to my students. I’d rather have Aaron Hernandez lecture about the necessity of gun safety before allowing you to lecture young kids on manners. (SLIDESHOW: 13 Times Paulina Gretzky Looked Absolutely Incredible)
Think again, for I am certainly no hero, and if I were I would never amount to the kind of hero who writes a novel to forgive themselves while masterfully telling the world how incredible they are.
Well done Britt, well done.