Here is my annual look back at the year coming to a close:
- Self-driving automobiles made progress in 2016. The fear is by 2025 4 million American truck driving jobs will be in jeopardy. The only truck driving jobs left will be for ISIS suicide jihadis. Governor Jerry Brown, always eager to regulate, issued a DMV ruling that Uber’s driverless cars in California will be illegal, but he did say they would be allowed to vote.
- Eighty-two college football teams will play in bowl games; some teams, including Hawaii, have losing records. Even Trump University got a bowl bid: It will play the Electoral College. Pollsters favor the Electoral College by 6.
- After losing the presidency, folks wonder how much longer the Clintons will stay married. To be fair, many people stay in bad relationships a long time. Once, I didn’t break up with a girl for a year because her dad owned a liquor store. But I learned early that, when someone does something stupid, being drunk is not the answer — but it’s always a good first guess.
- Trump showed an incredible capacity for forgiveness in meetings with Mitt Romney and other outspoken critics. He even thought about appointing Hillary as Ambassador to Iran, but we don’t hate them quite that much yet.
- Once again, we showed we live in an amazing country. A man who just paid a fine for running a fake college got to appoint our Secretary of Education — and it is probably the best pick ever. Trump needs another African-American cabinet pick, but soon will only have Agriculture Secretary left to fill. He’s instructed his staff to vet Charlie Pride or Patches to see if either will serve. The post comes with perks: All black GOP appointees are assured front row seats at every Republican Convention.
- Obama leaves office desperately looking for positive legacy items. He presided over the longest war in American history, ordered the bombing of 5 countries, and killed Osama bin Laden with Navy Seals and an American citizen with a drone – which, of course, won him a Nobel Peace Prize.
- Colleges continues to grow pansies. 75 years ago, 19-year-olds of the Greatest Generation invaded Europe and fought Japan in the Pacific. Now if a 19-year-old sees a “Trump for President” sign on Emory’s campus, he or she has to find a safe place and is given psychological counseling. The PC police even turned our holiday classic, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” into a date rape song. Soon, the only-value added proposition of going to an overpriced college will be, as I see it, that it’s the easiest way to join an a cappella group.
- Obama was unable to shut down Guantanamo Bay. The only thing left he can do to close Gitmo is to turn it into an ObamaCare state healthcare exchange and just wait a year. I’m torn; if he does shut down Gitmo, it will end any hope that I get to see Cuba.
- It was another bad year for Hollywood; the studios resorted to comic book superhero movies. The latest Star Wars movie, Rogue 1, was a hit. Men said they would miss sleep, get up at 4 AM and stand in line to watch the latest Star Wars They would even miss sex, if that was an option.
- Melania Trump announced she will stay in New York City as her husband moves to the White House so their son, Barron, can finish Then Bill Clinton lied and said Donald Trump called him, when the reverse was true. I expect the jealous rivalry to continue. Donald Trump has what Bill Clinton always wanted: an eight billion dollar net worth, the most powerful office in the world, and a hot wife who lives in another town.
- Trump will bring his own security guy to White House. It’s a dangerous job. Several more Secret Service agents were awarded medals for taking a lamp for Bill Clinton when Hillary lost.
- Democrats and the legacy media got all twitchy after losing the election, saying the Russians rigged it. WikiLeaks released DNC emails showing how the DNC plotted to undermine Bernie Sanders in their primary. So to recap, if I understand what the left is saying here, Putin might have rigged our election by revealing how Democrats rigged their election.
A syndicated op-ed humorist, award winning author and TV/radio commentator, Ron can be reached at [email protected], Twitter @RonaldHart or visit RonaldHart.com.