Kai Cole, the ex-wife of “The Avengers” director and avowed male feminist Joss Whedon, has released a tell-all revealing his infidelities towards her during their 16-year marriage. She claims he cheated on her with actresses, friends, and even fans.
In the exposé, Cole described Whedon as a “hypocrite preaching feminist ideals” who used his relationship to her “as a shield… so no one would question his relationships with other women or scrutinize his writing as anything other than feminist.”
“I don’t think it is fair to me or other women to remain silent any longer,” said Cole of his alleged infidelities in an article for The Wrap.
Following the adaptation of his script for “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” into a popular TV series, Cole said that there were times when she felt that the attention her husband gave to other women was questionable. She alleged that these feelings later turned out to be true.
“There were times in our relationship that I was uncomfortable with the attention Joss paid other women,” she said. “He always had a lot of female friends, but he told me it was because his mother raised him as a feminist, so he just liked women better.”
“He said he admired and respected females, he didn’t lust after them. I believed him and trusted him. On the set of ‘Buffy,’ Joss decided to have his first secret affair,” revealed Cole, who says Whedon admitted to having multiple affairs with women on and off the set of his shows.
“Joss admitted that for the next decade and a half, he hid multiple affairs and a number of inappropriate emotional ones that he had with his actresses, co-workers, fans and friends, while he stayed married to me,” said Cole.
The director’s ex-wife said that he walked out of the 16-year marriage–one that she had to pretend was perfect, and where she had to put on a superficial façade for the public.
Cole said that Whedon never conceded the hypocrisy of preaching about feminism while taking away her own right to self-determination.
“He deceived me for 15 years, so he could have everything he wanted,” she said. “I believed, everyone believed, that he was one of the good guys, committed to fighting for women’s rights, committed to our marriage, and to the women he worked with. But I now see how he used his relationship with me as a shield, both during and after our marriage, so no one would question his relationships with other women or scrutinize his writing as anything other than feminist.”
Kai Cole, who said she was eventually diagnosed with Complex PTSD for the way he treated her, is now trying to find the confidence to be the woman she used to be.
“Now that it is finally public, I want to let women know that he is not who he pretends to be,” she said. “I want the people who worship him to know he is human, and the organizations giving him awards for his feminist work, to think twice in the future about honoring a man who does not practice what he preaches.”
If Cole’s allegations are true, then Whedon had an unspoken power dynamic with the actresses he had the ability to fire, whose careers he could easily influence as a showrunner.
Joss Whedon refused to comment on the allegations made by his ex-wife.
Ian Miles Cheong is a journalist and outspoken media critic. You can reach him through social media at @stillgray on Twitter and on Facebook.