Politics

A List Of Presents Donald Trump Jr. Can Get His New Nephew In Return For Previous Gift

Eric and Lara Trump welcomed a baby into the world today at 8:50 am. The baby boy will be called Eric “Luke” Trump and is the couple’s first child.

Donald Trump Jr. was quick to offer his public congratulations, along with a big brotherly threat to get Eric Jr. a gift equally as annoying as a drum set:

And since Donald Jr. is so busy, below is a comprehensive list of the most annoying gifts he can get his new nephew:

  • Megaphone / any voice amplifier
  • Paintball gun (what could possibly go wrong with a kid owning one of these?)
  • Legos: Have you ever stepped on a Lego? Gitmo should adopt it as a means of torture.
  • Hamster: A furry critter may seem innocent enough. Trust me. It’s not. It’s basically impossible to tell the gender and most of the females come home pregnant, give birth, then eat their young. It’s happened to me. Twice.
  • Playskool “Wheels” Bus: This plastic yellow thing plays a loop of that annoying nursery tune “Wheels On The Bus.” Enough exposure to that song will haunt any parents’ dreams.
  • Furby: These things do. not. die. My parents desperately tried to hide mine when I was younger. Even when it says it’s turned off, it’s not. We could hear it crying in the middle of the night buried under the towels in the linen closet. I wouldn’t be surprised if it puts a voodoo spell on anybody who removes its batteries.

And if your local Toys R Us doesn’t have any of these in stock, just buy a goldfish. Unlike Furbies, they don’t last forever. It’ll be belly up in no time. Nothing says “congrats” like giving your nephew a taste of the real world.