Entertainment

Delta Force Should Be Deployed To Defend Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

We’re only a matter of days away from the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, and I think it’s a perfect time to discuss the angels’ security options.

I think anything less than sending Delta Force to protect our models is a grave dereliction of duty.

The show is being held in Shanghai, China, which is the same country that recently took three American basketball players into custody for allegedly breaking the law.

There needs to be some serious considerations for security given to this show because of the location. As we all already know, China steals our military technology. What is to stop them from stealing our models? I’d argue smoking hot models are much more important than the blue prints and design plans of a fighter jet.

I’m a bit of security expert. In fact, I’ve been tasked with the safety of nearly 100 people, and in the past two years we’ve gotten by without nearly any incidents. That’s why I feel very confident when I say a Delta Force team should be deployed to defend the 2017 fashion show.

The world is a dangerous place, and there’s nobody more prepared to shoot our way out of a hot spot than highly trained tier one operators. This is also not an unprecedented move. Highly skilled operators from SEAL Team 6 were prepared to act as a rescue team for the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona, Spain.

Money and the value of the apparel alone is worth protecting with at least a small team of Delta Force operators. The Fantasy Bra alone is worth millions.

Here’s how I would assemble the security plan, as a noted security expert. There are dozens of models walking in the show this year. I want at least one Delta Force shooter for every three models. That means I want a team of no less than 15 men. Given the heightened attention for the show, I’ll bump the number up to an even 20.

Movement will be restricted to only armored SUV, which will include armored windows on all doors. It sucks because they won’t be able to be rolled down, but it’s worth the tradeoff.

Now, for the rules of engagement. As far as I’m concerned, lethal force should be authorized the moment a shady individual gets within range of the women or the Fantasy Bra. We must protect these women at all costs. What is this country if we don’t have our models? Is it a homeless guy under that blanket or is it a highly trained assassin? I’m not taking any chances. The shooters have the green light the moment things get even a little bit hairy.

Finally, the extradition plan is a simple one. An aircraft carrier will be kept off the coast of China, and a transport plane will be kept on around the clock standby at the Shanghai airport. If an evacuation is needed, the Delta Force operators will drive the motorcade to the airport, load onto the plane, get into international airspace and be escorted by fighter jets to a safe location. It would appear South Korea is the best option.

I don’t know if President Trump will take my advice or not. Again, what do I really know? It’s not like I’ve kept our office totally locked down since joining two years ago. Anyways, this is the best way to secure the 2017 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.

P.S.: Did I just also write the coolest movie plot in a long time? I just may have.

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