Entertainment

Santa’s Evil Cousin Krampus Is The Unsung Hero We Deserve

OPINION
Krampus (Credit: Screenshot/YouTube The Office US)

Krampus (Credit: Screenshot/YouTube The Office US)

Jena Greene Reporter
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While misbehaved kids in the US are threatened with coal (which, given the recent economic pickup is worth more than the average Barbie doll), kids in Eastern Europe get a much more meaningful scare.

Meet Krampus, Santa’s hairier, scarier cousin who’s dead behind the eyes and threatens to punish naughty children.

Oh wait. My mistake. THIS is Krampus.

He’s half goat and half human monster with horns, hooves, and a pointy tongue. And he’s finally making a splash in the US.

Check out Krampus’s impressive resume. It’s so cool and scary not even National Geographic can ignore him:

Bearing horns, dark hair, and fangs, the anti-St. Nicholas comes with a chain and bells that he lashes about, along with a bundle of birch sticks meant to swat naughty children. He then hauls the bad kids down to the underworld.

Here he is, grilling the hearts of the impure:

Aww. If this doesn’t get you into the Christmas spirit I’m not sure what will.

And it just so happens to be our lucky day. Because today – yes December 5th – is Krampusnacht. That’s right, Krampus visits fearful households everywhere tonight. So if you’ve been a bad kid this year, say your goodbyes because Krampus is about to haul you into the underworld. Just look all the havoc Krampus wreaks in the streets of Germany somewhere. Something tells me we’d have a lot less meltdowns (children and adults alike) if we got a Krampus tradition going in the US.

It’s not just kids though. Krampus visits offices too. So always keep your head on a swivel.

Anyways, ’tis the season!

Jena Greene