Crushing Mountain Dew throughout the day is without question one of the greatest pillars to success in this country.
I drink Mountain Dew on a regular basis. I usually crack my first one sometime between 7:00 and 7:30 AM every single day of the week. I’ve taken a lot of criticism for this. People routinely tell me it’s not healthy, it’s going to stop me from getting in elite shape and it’s just not smart. Well, the joke’s on them because it’s my lack of effort stopping me from getting in elite shape, not my Mountain Dew addiction.
Look, this is a country of winners, and winners don’t apologize for the habits that have made us successful. Mountain Dew might have tons of sugar, but it’s also loaded with enough caffeine to kill a donkey. You think I’m taking over the internet without juicing my veins with caffeine every morning? Think again my friends. I drink this nectar of the gods not because I want to, but so that I can be awake enough to take over the internet. I’m doing this for you.
I briefly stopped drinking Mountain Dew in high school to prepare for the basketball season. I got wicked headaches and nosebleeds. I went back to my Mountain Dew and we won a state championship after a 29-0 season. I don’t want to say they’re absolutely connected, but I’m not ruling it out.
I’m sure most of you are thinking that I’m the exception the rule, and not the norm. Think again. Even my own parents used to lecture my about my Mountain Dew habits, which is weird because a kid from my family’s high school went on to sell his company to Amazon for $775 million. What did he seem to credit in part for his success? None other than the caffeine in Mountain Dew.
List of Mountain Dew fans:
- Internet pioneers
- Guys who sell companies for nearly a billion dollars
Not exactly the worst list to be on.
In closing, I might have an addiction, and it’s an addiction to winning. Mountain Dew is simply a part of the larger equation, but it’s an important one. Now get on board or get out of the way.
P.S.: Danny McBride’s Mountain Dew commercials are awesome.