Sports

Philadelphia’s Postgame Preparations Include Greasing Up Light Poles

(Photo by Mitchell Leff/Getty Images)

David Hookstead Sports And Entertainment Editor
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Philadelphia is preparing for fans to go wild if the Eagles beat the Minnesota Vikings Sunday night to punch a ticket to the Super Bowl.

Fox 9 tweeted out a photo of the street light poles being greased up with crisco so that people can’t climb them.

I want to laugh and make fun of this, but it’s actually a pretty smart idea. I’ve been in a couple postgame events that could be classified as minor riots, and there are always idiots trying to climb the street light poles. It makes absolutely no sense why you’d ever want to do that, but idiots exist. It’s part of life.

There a couple rules to being in a victory or loss riot after a major sporting event. Stay close to the exits, stay away from the police, don’t climb stuff and bring extra beers. The last one is perhaps the most important. Your access to booze might be dramatically cutoff once police get involved or bars shut down. You’re going to want to have several beers on you ready to go. If you follow those rules, you’ll be in for a good time. Don’t climb stuff. It’s not that difficult. Nobody wants to be in a riot and end up in a hospital because they fell 30 feet off of a light.

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