Sports

The Football Offseason Is Already Unbearable After Fewer Than Three Days

We’re not even three full days into the football offseason, and I’ve already had enough of this garbage.

I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with all of my time these days. There is just so much free time, but I’m a lost soul at this point just carelessly wondering through a world without any live football.

There was a moment last night when I was practicing my three step drops, rollouts and play-action in my living room as “Westworld” played in the background. It was a collision of worlds. You know things are going bad when I have so much free time that I’m practicing quarterback plays that I will never actually be asked to run in an NFL game.

How do people survive without football? What do they do all day? Is a life without football even one worth being a part of? This is why we need the XFL right now, or any league that wants to fill this massive gaping hole in my life right now.

I’ve spent at least several hours since the Super Bowl just watching football highlights while at work. I need something to keep the juices flowing, and highlights are the only option seeing as how the season is over. Is a sad reality, but it is the truth.

It’s the start of day three, and things are off to an awful start. We have six more months of this junk before football is back in our lives. It’s like when you’re girlfriend goes away to Europe for four months. You tell yourself things won’t be different, but we all know they are. It’s almost like a grieving stage we’re in right now.

I’m begging somebody, anybody, to put football back on my television. I literally have no reason to drink Miller Lites right now. You crush a case on a game day, and that’s called being a great fan. That’s called caring more about the team and the fanbase than yourself. You’re not drinking all those cold beers for yourself. You’re doing it to set the tone and atmosphere.

You smash beers on a Wednesday night for no reason outside of football season, and that’s called having a serious problem.

I’m just sitting here at work wondering how we will endure and survive. Somebody needs to be my hero, and get this straightened out immediately. My happiness is far too important for America to not have football all year. It’s really just selfishness on the rest of America for not getting the job done. Shame, shame shame.

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