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Somehow, The Weeknd Has Found Time To Headline At Coachella And Kiss Multiple Women

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Jena Greene Reporter
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The Coachella music festival is a lot of things. It’s way too long, completely overrated, and it just gives people another reason to hate millennials.

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And to make matters worse, a few high profile socialites are causing a ruckus at this year’s music festival and it’s just too much of a distraction for me to handle. So I’m going to address the issue head-on.

According to multiple reports, The Weeknd, aka Abel Tesfaye, aka the guy who sings garbage like “Starboy” and “Can’t Feel My Face,” was spotted kissing his ex Bella Hadid on Friday at Coachella.

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He then went on to headline a concert that night. Totally normal thing to do. Then the next night, The Weeknd was seen kissing actress/socialite/model Chantel Jeffries.

Now you’re probably asking yourself by now why any of this is considered earth shattering news. You’re also probably asking yourself where that last “e” went in The Weeknd’s name.

And if you clicked on this article to find the answer to either of those questions, I hate to break it to you. But you’re not going to find it here. You want to see somebody kiss two different people in 48 hours? Go to literally any college campus in America. Happens all the time, people. Just because some dude who looks like he got his hair styled by Oscar the Grouch is making out with two different models doesn’t mean history’s been changed forever. My dog has gotten more action at the park in one weekend than The Weeknd got this weekend. So let’s stop making him feel like the king of Coachella and focus on the more important stuff. Like that atrocious calf tat Justin Bieber seems to be rocking these days. Amen.

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