Jim Treacher

Dying Man Comforted By Ex-Wife: ‘Trump Has Been Impeached’

President Donald Trump waits for the arrival of Egypt's President Abdel Fattah al-Sisi at the White House in Washington, April 3, 2017. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

I'm trying to figure out what's the saddest part about the following news item. Pretty much everything about it, I think.

Democratic candidate Jon Ossoff speaks to the media. (Joe Raedle/Getty Images)

Ossoff Celebrates ‘Victory For The Ages’

9:01 AM 04/19/2017

Jon Ossoff, the Georgia congressional candidate who can't vote for himself, is keeping expectations low.

Democratic U.S.  presidential candidate Hillary Clinton and Sen. Bernie Sanders stand together during a campaign rally where Sanders endorsed Clinton in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, U.S., July 12, 2016.  REUTERS/Brian Snyder.

Bernie Wasn’t With Her

6:29 PM 04/18/2017

Bernie Sanders is such a good actor, I'll bet you thought he was actually thrilled to help out Hillary Clinton when she won the Democratic Party's nomination. But guess what? He didn't like her any more than you or I did!

Islam Muslim green star and crescent (Getty Images)

#NotAllMuslims Scream ‘Allahu Akbar’ While Being Arrested In Fresno For Killing Several People

5:15 PM 04/18/2017

As always, my condolences go out to the victims: Muslims.

Steve Stephens, who Cleveland Division of Police said was being sought in connection with the killing of an individual, is seen in an undated handout photo released April 16, 2017.  Cleveland Police/Handout via REUTERS

Steve Stephens, Who Murdered A Man In Cold Blood And Put It On Facebook, Just Killed Himself

12:24 PM 04/18/2017


Democratic candidate Jon Ossoff for Georgia's 6th Congressional District special election speaks during an election eve rally at Andretti Indoor Karting and Games in Roswell, Georgia, April 17, 2017. There is a special election tomorrow to fill that seat, which opened after Republican Tom Price was appointed as secretary of Health and Human Services. REUTERS/Kevin D. Liles

If You Can’t Vote For Jon Ossoff In Georgia’s 6th District, Don’t Worry: Neither Can He

11:19 AM 04/18/2017

I haven't paid much attention to today's special election in Georgia's 6th district, because I don't live there and it's none of my business. But a lot of other people who don't live there, including Hollywood celebrities and Chelsea Handler, have been making a big deal about it. They want everybody to know that Democrat Jon Ossoff is running for Congress and that they support him. A vote for Ossoff is a vote against Trump, apparently. That's why much of his support, if not most of it, is coming from out of state.

U.S. musician Prince performs at the Hop Farm Festival near Paddock Wood, southern England July 3, 2011.  The administrator of Prince's estate has dismissed claims form three would-be heirs who asserted that their father was also the true biological dad of the late pop star through an alleged affair with his mother. REUTERS/Olivia Harris/File Photo

Prince Had Opiates Stashed All Over Paisley Park

8:36 AM 04/18/2017

When Prince died almost a year ago, I cautioned everybody not to assume he was a drug addict. I've lived with chronic pain, and I know that even momentary relief can be a blessing. So I didn't jump to the conclusion that the man was a junkie.

FILE PHOTO - A baby is baptized during a mass baptism ceremony in Tbilisi, January 19, 2011. REUTERS/David Mdzinarishvili/File Photo

Three-Month-Old ‘Interviewed’ By US Embassy In London On Suspicion Of Terrorism

6:29 PM 04/17/2017

Handy hint for world travelers: If any government official asks whether you or any member of your family has ever engaged in terrorist activity, always answer "No."

Tomi Lahren (Screenshot/YouTube/The Blaze)

POLL: Glenn Beck Or Tomi Lahren?

4:21 PM 04/17/2017

The war between Glenn Beck and Tomi Lahren is heating up, with Beck today filing a countersuit against Lahren. Time to take a side, people!

Caption This: President Trump And The Easter Bunny

1:44 PM 04/17/2017

A U.S. worker inspects a section of the U.S.-Mexico border wall at Sunland Park, U.S. opposite the Mexican border city of Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, November 9, 2016. Picture taken from the Mexico side of the U.S.-Mexico border. (PHOTO: REUTERS/Jose Luis Gonzalez)

MSNBC: Don’t Build The Border Wall Because It Might Hurt Some Bats

11:37 AM 04/17/2017

Animals are dumb, and I don't like them. I'm also skeptical about the magnificent wall that President Trump keeps promising to build. So I'm ambivalent about the prospect of the border wall hurting animals. I doubt the wall is ever going to be built at all, but if it is, I'm fine with it negatively affecting the enemies of all mankind.

Senator Elizabeth Warren turns up her nose (Photo: JONATHAN ERNST/ REUTERS)

Elizabeth Warren Is Sad That Mitch McConnell Won’t Say Hello To Her

9:11 AM 04/17/2017

She tried to be nice. Nevertheless, he was distant.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) speaks during a media briefing on Capitol Hill in Washington, U.S., July 7, 2016. REUTERS/Joshua Roberts/File Photo - RTX2SKHR

Nancy Pelosi Doesn’t Want You To Jump Off The Golden Gate Bridge

4:56 PM 04/14/2017

If you haven't jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge yet -- and I'm assuming you haven't -- then it's too late. They're tired of fishing you sad sacks outta the drink already.

The DCCC Knows What Democrats Need Right Now

3:04 PM 04/14/2017

The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee just released this. It's not a parody. It's not a late April Fools joke. It's genuinely supposed to get you excited about the Democrats.

              This undated publicity film image released by Paramount Pictures shows, Zachary Quinto, left, as Spock and Chris Pine as Kirk in a scene in the movie,

My Reaction Video For The ‘Last Jedi’ Trailer

1:22 PM 04/14/2017

The day has finally arrived, Star Wars fans: the first trailer for The Last Jedi is here! And as I always do, I just had to get a reaction video out there as soon as I saw it. So use the Force and get ready to jump to hyperspace, 'cause it's time to talk about the space people with laser swords!

Bombing Terrorists Is Bad, Except When Obama Does It

11:19 AM 04/14/2017

Or so I'm told. A whole lot of people didn't have anything to say about all the bombs we dropped in Afghanistan between 2009-2016, but now they're really concerned that the U.S. dropped a MOAB on some ISIS scumbags.

US actor Shia LaBeouf(L) during his He Will Not Divide Us livestream outside the Museum of the Moving Image in Astoria, in the Queens borough of New York January 24, 2017 as a protest against President Donald Trump.  
LaBeouf has installed a camera at the Museum of the Moving Image in New York that will run a continuous live stream for the duration of Trumps presidency. LaBeouf is inviting the public to participate in the project by saying the phrase, He will not divide us, into the camera. / AFP / TIMOTHY A. CLARY        (Photo credit should read TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP/Getty Images)

They Found Shia Again?

10:00 AM 04/14/2017

I figured they would. I should've known it would be this fast. Once these guys smell blood...

Huma Abedin and Anthony Weiner (Photos: Getty Images)

POLL: What Should Huma Abedin Call Her Memoirs?

7:36 PM 04/13/2017

Today we learned that Hillary aide and long-suffering Weiner wife Huma Abedin wants $2 million to write her memoirs. It'll give her something to do with her time, now that her husband has ensured that Hillary will never be president.

Photo: AP

Maxine Waters For President!

4:09 PM 04/13/2017

Dear Democrats: 2020 is coming, sooner than you think. Please listen to this young man and follow his advice.

A woman cleans a bathroom toilet with a scrub brush. Shutterstock - Serhii Krot

CALL THE POLICE: Somebody Put A Koran In A Toilet Somewhere

1:20 PM 04/13/2017

I don't think I could ever be a police officer. The things those brave men and women have seen and endured in the line of duty. But nothing could prepare even the most cynical, streetwise LEO for something like this.