Blog - DC Trawler
Man, these days you can't even sell a joke cocktail mocking an alleged serial rapist without everybody throwing a fit!
There are two things I hate more than anything in the world: 1) Animals. 2) Canada. Put them together and it's a recipe for disaster.
Remember when you were glad 2016 was over, because at least it wasn't 2016 anymore? Remember how young and naive you were?
On Nov. 8, 2016, Showtime aired a live election night special with Stephen Colbert. The idea was to celebrate the end of Donald Trump's candidacy and the beginning of the Hillary Era. It was going to be a welcome relief after such a grueling presidential campaign. It was going to be so much fun. Of course, there was just one small problem...
In accordance with prophecy, President Trump touched THE ORB. He paid obeisance to THE ORB. He became one with THE ORB. What is THE ORB, and how has its strange and unknowable power changed us all?
Cool crock, Ahmed! Your bomb hoax scored you an invitation to the White House and a media tour and a bunch of other perks, but now that the party's over and everybody has moved on to other victims of fake Islamophobia, it might be time for your family to find another way to make money.
Fox News Channel's on-again, off-again relationship with America's favorite check-writer Bob Beckel is off again. He just got fired for the second time. Some people don't like him because he mumbles a lot of stupid things, but he's not all bad. Nobody is! So here are the five (get it?) things I'll miss most about ol' Bob:
Now Joe Biden is out there saying he would've been a better candidate than Hillary Clinton. Maybe you agree with him that, considering what happened, pretty much anybody would've been a better candidate than Hillary. Or maybe you think Trump is stronk like bull and nobody could've defeated him. But if these two had faced off, which serial grabber of women would've won? This calls for yet another 100% scientifically binding Internet poll!
It's a sign of the times that I'm actually relieved to see Anthony Weiner back in the headlines. Finally, a story I understand. Something I can wrap my head around. Maybe I should rephrase that.
The initial reports about Richard Rojas, the driver who mowed down all those people in Times Square yesterday, indicated that he may have been drunk or fleeing a robbery or both. I got the impression that he might not have intended to hurt or kill people. But after watching this video, it sure as hell looks deliberate to me.
I've never seen the show Mom, but apparently it's a sitcom about a young single mother who lives with her own mother. She has a teenage daughter, who is herself a young mother. It's three moms under one roof. So, it only makes sense that the people who bring you the show also want to kill as many babies as they possibly can.
Recep Erdogan is a scumbag tyrant, and I don't like that he's hanging out with the President of the United States. I especially don't like that people who protest him on U.S. soil keep getting beat up. It happened last year, and again this week. But is Erdogan directly ordering his bodyguards to do that?
You only have the right of way up until the moment somebody behind the wheel decides he's more important than you are.
Namely: Clickbait! (See what I did there?)
Baldy the Vodka Slayer has done it again! He took a quick break from losing his mind about Trump on Twitter to direct this PSA for Planned Parenthood. If you're an abortion enthusiast, Joss shows you a scary dystopia where you can't kill your baby on demand at taxpayer expense:
Before Pepe the Frog became a symbol for alt-right creeps and anime Nazis and other repellent slimeballs, he was just a goofy cartoon character in a comic book about anthropomorphic animals who smoke weed. What the hell happened? Why does the Internet have to ruin everything?
I don't know if Trump is going to be impeached and kicked out of the White House, and neither do you, and neither does anybody else. But it's best to be prepared. If it happens, who should slide right into the Oval Office?
I hope you're sitting down for this: The 44th President of the United States doesn't have anything nice to say about his successor.
He. Him. His. Facts don't change when you change a pronoun. Science doesn't work that way. Bradley Manning is not a woman, he never will be, and anybody who tells you otherwise is a science denier.