Jim Treacher

POLL: Where Should The Apostrophe Go In Today’s Holiday?

I've never been able to figure it out, so I put it to you, Dear Reader.

Judd Apatow On Trump’s Election: ‘I Feel Like I’ve Just Been Raped’

4:50 PM 02/20/2017

Liberals are better than the rest of us because they're far more empathetic. They feel other people's pain so keenly that they can't turn away. That must be why they say things like the following.

MIAMI, FL - JANUARY 31: Protesters gather against Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Gimenez's decision to abide by President Donald Trump's order to effectively abandon the county's stance as a

#DayWithoutImmigrants Leads To #ImmigrantsWithoutJobs

1:17 PM 02/20/2017

I believe that everybody has the right to peacefully protest anything or anyone they want. Even if it's something really stupid, like protesting the enforcement of immigration laws because "people aren't illegal." You have the right to do that, no matter how wrongheaded it is.

‘He Will Not Divide Us’ Meets ‘Breaking Bad’

11:33 AM 02/20/2017

If you don't know what "He Will Not Divide Us" is, it's a sort of performance project by Hollywood actor and would-be artist Shia LaBeouf. The idea is to set up a webcam in a public place, in front of a wall with that phrase painted on it. Then, people are supposed to repeat it endlessly for the next four years or the end of the Trump presidency, whichever comes first.

FILE PHOTO: Rex Tillerson, the former chairman and chief executive officer of Exxon Mobil, testifies during a Senate Foreign Relations Committee confirmation hearing to become U.S. Secretary of State on Capitol Hill  in Washington  January 11, 2017. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque/File Photo

Thanks To Rex Tillerson For Cleaning Up The State Department

9:32 AM 02/20/2017

I have a bit of a personal history with the Department of State, which you can read about here. It's impossible for me to be objective when I hear about bad things happening to State Dept. employees, so I won't even bother to try.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie reacts to a question during a news conference in Trenton, New Jersey, U.S. on March 28, 2014.  REUTERS/Eduardo Munoz/File Photo

POLL: What Should Trump Make Chris Christie Eat?

4:02 PM 02/17/2017

Today we learned that when Donald Trump and Chris Christie dined together at the White House earlier this week, Trump told everybody to order what they wanted. Except for Christie, who got what Trump wanted both of them to eat: meatloaf. That's just how it goes.

Assaulting People For Wearing Red Hats Will Not End Well

2:30 PM 02/17/2017

To recap one of the left's favorite arguments over the past month: It's okay to punch "Nazis," because Indiana Jones did it. Never mind that you can't shoot Muslims in the street just because Indiana Jones did it. The point is that if you tweet a picture of an actor doing something in a movie, that means it's okay to do the same thing in real life to people you don't like.

Caption This: Hillary Clinton Dines Out With Kate McKinnon

11:43 AM 02/17/2017
Filmmaker Roman Polanski arrives for a court hearing in Krakow February 25, 2015. Polanski appeared in a Polish court on Wednesday at a hearing to consider a U.S. request for his extradition over a 1977 child sex crime conviction. REUTERS/Kacper Pempel

Convicted Child Rapist Roman Polanski Wants To Return To America

9:21 AM 02/17/2017

Back in the '70s, director Roman Polanski was convicted of raping a 13-year-old girl. Rather than serve jail time for his crime, he fled the country and hasn't set foot on U.S. soil since. Now he wants everybody to forget about it.

Host Neil DeGrasse Tyson (L) and Seth MacFarlane, executive producer of

Neil deGrasse Tyson Uses Science To Explain Why We Have Wars

7:44 PM 02/16/2017

War. HUHNN!! Good God, y'all. What is it good for? Absolutely nothin'. Except, y'know, stopping Hitler. War was good for that. Also, it's good for inspiring deep thoughts from the greatest scientific mind of our lifetime.

Scientists Close To Bringing Back The Wooly Mammoth For Some Reason

5:31 PM 02/16/2017

As if it's not bad enough that we've got all these animals taking up space on our planet, eating people and leaving big turds everywhere and generally being an annoyance, now the smart fellers want to bring back animals that have been extinct for thousands of years. Great idea, dorks!

President Donald Trump shakes hands with Judge Neil Gorsuch after nominating him to the Supreme Court during a ceremony in the East Room of the White House January 31, 2017 in Washington, D.C.  (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

What To Do When Somebody Gives You The Ol’ Trump Handshake

3:37 PM 02/16/2017

I never noticed it until people started pointing it out, but President Trump has a weird handshake sometimes. He grabs the other guy's hand and starts pulling on it like he's trying to start a lawnmower. I don't know if it's a dominance thing, or maybe Trump is just an awkward guy? Seems like it's not a lot of fun for the other feller, though.

Bao Bao, a 44-pound female panda bear cub, is seen in the panda exhibit at the Smithsonian's National Zoo in Washington August 23, 2014.  REUTERS/David Galen/Smithsonian's National Zoo/Handout

Bao Bao Is Finally Going Away

1:18 PM 02/16/2017

Who is Bao Bao? Bao Bao is a stupid panda at the National Zoo in DC. Supposedly, it's a big deal that Bao Bao was born in America -- hello, so was I, nobody cares, nobody should care -- and it's an even bigger deal what Bao Bao is being shipped off to China. I say good riddance, but apparently some people are sad about it.

Today Is The #DayWithoutImmigrants, Where We All Pretend The Word ‘Illegal’ Doesn’t Exist

9:40 AM 02/16/2017

What do you do when you want to argue that it's okay to break the law? Well, you could assert that the law is wrong, and make an argument for why that's so. But that's a lot of work. Why not just pretend that the words "legal" and "illegal" don't exist, and that people who obey the law are no different than people who break it?

Trimmed buds from a marijuana plant. 
Shutterstock/ Doug Shutter

Border Patrol Seizes Marijuana Catapult At AZ-Mexico Border Fence

9:18 PM 02/15/2017

We're gonna build a wall, and we're gonna make Mexico pay for it. So those hombres gotta raise mucho dinero, pronto. And what's a great way to make some quick cash? Sell weed! (Or so I'm told, I really wouldn't know.)

Orange Coast College Suspends Student Who Recorded Prof Calling Election ‘Act Of Terrorism’

6:39 PM 02/15/2017

A couple of months ago, a student at Orange Coast College in Costa Mesa, California, took the following video of Olga Pere Stable-Cox, his human sexuality professor, pontificating about the 2016 election. The delightfully named Stable-Cox called the election an "act of terrorism," labelled Mike Pence an "anti-gay human" and lamented that any American could vote for Donald Trump.

Reporters Cry Like Babies Because Trump Won’t Do What They Want

3:02 PM 02/15/2017

During the early days of the Obama administration, Jeff Zeleny (then at the NYT) showed us how tough, truth-seeking reporters ask questions of the President of the United States:

WASHINGTON, DC - FEBRUARY 7:  (AFP OUT) U.S. President Donald Trump speaks as he meets with county sheriffs during a listening session in the Roosevelt Room of the White House on February 7, 2017 in Washington, DC. The Trump administration will return to court Tuesday to argue it has broad authority over national security and to demand reinstatement of a travel ban on seven Muslim-majority countries that stranded refugees and triggered protests. (Photo by Andrew Harrer - Pool/Getty Images)

An Illegal Alien In TX Voted Illegally For 8 Years, And You’ll Never Guess Who’s To Blame

12:17 PM 02/15/2017

Just kidding! You guessed already. And you were right.

Harrison Ford mocks Donald Trump in interview. (Photo: Junko Kimura/Getty Images)

Indiana Jones And The Series Of Aeronautical Mishaps

9:24 AM 02/15/2017

Who doesn't like Harrison Ford? Nobody doesn't like Harrison Ford, that's who. From 8 to 80, everybody wants the guy around for years to come, appearing in movies and making people say, "I sure do like that Harrison Ford." But apparently he doesn't want that, considering he can't cool it with his whole "Hey, let's crash this airplane" bit.

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton responds forcefully to intense questioning on the September attacks on U.S. diplomatic sites in Benghazi, Libya, during a Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington January 23, 2013. REUTERS/Jason Reed.

Here’s Why I’m Glad Hillary Isn’t President

7:26 PM 02/14/2017

Obviously, I've got a lot of good reasons to be glad Hillary Clinton will never be allowed into the White House again without a vistor pass. But this is one of the biggest reasons.