In Haiti gaffe debate, crazy comes from both sides

Traci Skene Contributor
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When it comes to the Earth sciences, I’m about as dumbfounded as Jessica Simpson opening a can of tuna. Or was it chicken?

Prior to the distraction of boys, designer jeans and the “Saturday Night Fever” soundtrack, however, I paid enough attention in elementary school to pick up the basic cause of earthquakes. Tectonic plates—rubbing together like Oprah’s thighs when she wears corduroy—cause the fault line area to shake like Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua at the groomer.

Even though I am clearly not smarter than a fifth grader, I have assumed all these years that, when it comes to seismology, the science is settled.

It appears that Pat Robertson and Danny Glover have other ideas.

Robertson—who looks like a cat having wind blown in his face—blames the recent Haiti quake on a “pact with the devil.”

Glover—who I always picture sitting on the toilet in one of the “Lethal Weapon” sequels—takes a different approach, “When we see what we did at the climate summit in Copenhagen, this is the response, this is what happens, you know what I’m sayin’?”

Yes, Danny, I know what you’re “sayin’” and I’m beginning to think the devil wouldn’t have a beer with either one of you.

Blaming an earthquake on anything not relating to geology borders on evil. Both Glover and Robertson commit the unforgivable sin of using a catastrophe to promote their own ideology.

In the hours after the Robertson gaffe, the left gleefully pounced not just on the aging pastor but also on all of Christianity. This was proof, they wailed, stomping around in their Birkenstocks, that anything Jesus-related is bad for humanity.

Of course, one smack with the logic stick, would make them realize that if Robertson is the evangelical exemplar who represents all of Christendom, then that wild and crazy Northern Virginian imam, Anwar Al-Awlaki, must represent all of Islam.

But why ruin a good hissy fit with a little bit of reason?

Finding a conservative who actually defended Robertson is as hard as finding a man at an Indigo Girls concert. The “700 Club” founder was denounced by folks on both sides of the political aisle. Words like “unforgivable,” “indefensible” and “reprehensible” rolled off the tongues of conservatives, and they were just as appalled at his lack of sense.

It’ll be interesting to see if they left denounces Glover so thoroughly.

Glover’s religion is environmentalism. Telling the Haitians that the earthquake is a result of a failure to reach a legally binding agreement in Copenhagen is about as honest as saying that feminism “encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians” (another Robertson gem).

There are loopy people on the far left and the far right. Those of us who hover just right and left of center should band together to dismiss these nimrods whenever they make clear-thinking humans look bad.

Traci Skene is the editor of SHECKY magazine and a stand-up comic.