DC Trawler

Rielle Hunter FAQ

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Shockingly shocking news from RadarOnline:

John Edwards is about to release a public statement admitting paternity of the out-of-wedlock daughter he fathered with mistress Rielle Hunter, RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively.

It’s the final gasp for Edwards, who has incrementally coughed up the truth only when confronted with irrefutable evidence during the course of his affair being revealed.

So that’s a pretty big spoiler if you’re a space alien, a recently revived coma patient, or a member of certain native tribes in Papua New Guinea.

Why is Edwards finally telling us what we already know? It’s all because of his former right-hand man Andrew Young. Y’know, the guy who claimed to be the babydaddy to cover for his boss. Talk about loyalty! But hell hath no fury like an underling scorned. Young is now tired of being Edwards’ footstool and is set to do TV interviews promoting his new tell-all book, imaginatively titled The Politician. The game is up, and Edwards has no choice but to do the unimaginable: tell the truth. (Click here to watch Edwards lie his purty little butt off about the whole fiasco on Nightline back in ’08.)

What do we really know about the babymama, Rielle Hunter? Not much. Back in ’08, most of the media turned a blind eye to the story until they had no choice but to cover it. And then they did a crappy job of it. But a few tidbits of actual news leaked out by accident. So it might be worth a quick refresher course!

1) Rielle. That’s kind of an odd name. It’s pronounced “Real,” right? Wait, no. It sounds like “Really.” I’m sure that’s it.

Nope. Double nope.


Remember: Just chant and let it go.

That’s not her rielle real name, by the way. She was born Lisa Druck. Can you blame her for changing it?

2) Wasn’t she an actress or something?

Sorta. She was in a Denzel Washington movie called Ricochet for literally 5 seconds. She also appeared in the Kurt Russell/Goldie Hawn non-classic Overboard:

She’s the dancing girl on the left. The big ol’ phone gives you an idea of how long ago this was, as does the fact that Roddy McDowell was still alive.

3) She seems like kind of a weirdo. Weirder than him, even. How did they meet?

The details are murky, but she was hired by the Edwards campaign to produce web videos. Here’s one of them:

“I’d rather be successful, or unsuccessful, based on who I really am.” It’s working pretty well so far!

About 5 minutes after that last shot, their baby was conceived. Just kidding, it might have been as long as half an hour.

4) She was in some book, right? I don’t have time to read a whole long book.

No problem!

In 1988, Bright Lights, Big City author Jay McInerney published his third novel, Story of My Life. The protagonist was Alison Poole, an “ostensibly jaded, cocaine-addled, sexually voracious 20-year old.” McInerney based Poole on his ex-girlfriend… Lisa Druck.

The Poole character also appeared in Bret Easton Ellis’ American Psycho, where she was sexually assaulted by the evil Patrick Bateman. Whether it’s real life or fiction, Rielle seems to be drawn to sociopaths.

5) Wow, this woman’s life story is crazy. And you haven’t even gotten into all the New Age crap she’s into. Or her dad’s involvement in freaking horse murders. Why did the media sit on this blockbuster for so long?

Gee. I dunno.

Jim Treacher