S.E. Cupp’s Diary: Countdown to Daytona

S.E. Cupp Contributor
Font Size:

I’ve been planning my trip to this year’s CPAC, and am mulling over the idea of greeting everyone I see there with an inappropriately enthusiastic high-five, just because. I share this with Rep. Thaddeus McCotter, and he suggests we modify it to a low-five instead. Even better. He’s right, as usual. (Read his “We The People” pamphlet, and see what I mean.)

I read a hilarious Onion story on Joe Biden, in which he has supposedly infested the White House with bedbugs by dragging an old recliner in off the street. I realize the joke is so successful because, for whatever reason, Biden does seem like the kind of guy who would do this. But I can’t figure out why, exactly. I also suspect he likes Hot Pockets. My friend Brett thinks that he probably reads the “funnies” on weekends and laughs really hard. Musing on Joe Biden’s idiosyncrasies will consume about an hour and a half of my day. Thanks, wickedly incisive Onion writers.

President David Palmer comes on my television in an Allstate commercial, and asks if I think we’ll remember this as “the Great Recession” or “the recession that made us great.” I’m pretty sure we’ll just remember it as a giant black hole of suckage, but he makes clear another more important point: word-inversion doesn’t automatically lead to wisdom or profundity. Sometimes it just sounds like word inversion for word inversion’s sake, you know?

Because it’s awesome, and always puts a smile on my face, here’s another fantastic and timeless quote from The (British) Office’s David Brent: “Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous! No–purely social. I know someone who is an alcoholic and it is no laughing matter, particularly for his wife. And she’s got alopecia. So… not a happy home life.”

I’m listening to “Heart of the Country” off Wings’ Wingspan album (although it was first released on Paul and Linda’s Ram album), and it’s just perfectly summing up my mood right now: “I want a horse/I want sheep/I want to get me a good night sleep/Living in a home/In the heart of the country.” Exactly.

Michael Waltrip has sent me a Michael Waltrip Racing T-shirt and hat as a thank-you for a very small, totally insignificant favor I did him, which is both unnecessary and very thoughtful. The T-shirt’s massive, so I give it to Andy Levy, who’s surprisingly brawny. I’m digging the hat though, and feel a little torn. Tony’s still my driver, but it’s amazing how far a little swag will go in buying a new fan.

I went to the “Red Eye” three-year anniversary party on Friday, which was a blast. Talked baseball with Marc Lamont Hill, publishing with Jason Pinter, NASCAR with Andy Levy, and things not suitable for print with Bill Schulz, naturally.

Is there something kind of douchey about James O’Keefe? I mean, I admire citizen journalism, and I heartily offer the obligatory kudos for exposing ACORN and Planned Parenthood. But all of that aside, he seems a little smug. I really want to like him, because I really like what he’s doing. But I also want him to be sweet and virginal and energetic and charmingly earnest–you know, like Tintin! And instead he comes off a little flippant and entitled. Maybe it’s because he’s only 25. Maybe he doesn’t really care how he’s perceived, and that’s his prerogative. All I’m saying is, if I were managing him, I’d tell him to take himself less seriously. A smile and humble visage go a long way in this business.

I have decided that Nine Inch Nail’s “Closer,” which is one of the greatest songs of all time, is an updated version of Fleetwood Mac’s “Tusk.” Listen to them back-to-back and you’ll see what I mean.

To end the suspense, I did not really watch the Super Bowl (or the only slightly less-famous Puppy Bowl)—but I had the former on in the background as I banged out a column, and prepped for “Geraldo,” a GQ interview and a West Point speech this week. The takeaway: those Danica Patrick lipstick-lesbian GoDaddy commercials are terrible. She should be ashamed of herself. And you should be ashamed for watching them on YouTube 243 times.

S.E. Cupp is co-author of “Why You’re Wrong About The Right,” (Simon & Schuster, June 2008). Her second book, “Losing Our Religion: The Liberal Media’s Attack on Christianity” comes out in April 2010. She is a columnist for the New York Daily News and a regular guest on “Hannity,” “Larry King Live,” “Fox & Friends,” “Geraldo,” “Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld,” and others.