Boy did I open a Pandora’s Box with my recent column. I cannot thank the readers enough for their support and prayers during this difficult time of transition. Even those who criticized my openness to divulge such a private matter I commend you for your honesty.
Situations like mine are not as uncommon as one might think being published the way it was presented. A perfect example of my writing could be compared to most of the songs you hear on the radio. Many are telling a story similar to mine. Only mine you understand the words better without the background music.
One key issue about my situation that was not written previously and most certainly was a part of this demise I wish to bring to light. This subject ignited my passion for research and what I found was astounding.
After hearing the news from my soon-to-be ex-wife about her intentions, I found myself sitting in a laundromat on a cold night drying clothes and feeling sorry for myself. While looking through the mess of magazines and endless pamphlets I found an amazing article from a marriage therapist that some of you may relate to.
A reader asked; “On Facebook, women sometimes hear from old boyfriends. Aren’t these men really just looking for their youth in seeking a secret relationship with someone they once desired?” In bold caps, the therapist replied, “ABSOLUTLY! Moreover, Facebook has made it easier with this free service and their abundance of clients with personal information just waiting to be read.”
It just so happens that my situation seemed to accelerate once my soon-to-be ex-wife began to have deep conversations with the person she was once involved during her teen years and who now has her heart. Now all of this started to make sense.
Granted, it always takes two in this type of situation to follow through on their intentions, but my point is, he found an opened heart and knew it could be filled quite easily. This man had his ears wide open to listen, and my wife was very comfortable offering information.
Soon I found her secretly text messaging in bed and spending endless hours online which she has never done before. Our original plans were to take this process of separation slowly in order for our children to adjust. However, the situation became a rush on her part with her leaving a few days later.
Despite the pain I felt about our situation I started interviewing others on Facebook. Almost all of them, male and female, experienced the same advances while on this network from past relationships. Some even followed through and soon realized that the person making such advances were either married or had numerous relationships with others on this network.
In my opinion, Facebook has become a free network for a lot of lonely people. I’ve spent numerous hours examining posts and what most readers don’t understand is their writing offers others with inappropriate intentions a perfect opportunity to take advantage of them.
Basically, Facebook is a public board for people’s frustrations, pain, and an open door into millions of personal lives. We all need attention to make us feel better, but to post it openly is a casting call with a lot of actor’s lining up to see if they get the part.
I found this out for myself. Soon after revamping my personal information I started hearing from females some I knew and even some I didn’t know. All offered an open ear with personal phone numbers and requests for friendship. One made me chuckle as she was from Africa and wanted to get to know me better with pictures and an international phone number where to reach her.
What happened to my soon-to-be ex-wife was a person crying out on a public board with lots of people willing and able to lend an ear. The past relationship factor she had, and admitted to me with her now “special friend” only made the process easier for her to make this life altering transition.
Some advice: Consider what you are posting and realize that you could be offering an invitation to someone that might destroy your personal life. If you are frustrated or angry at your spouse or significant other then take responsibility. Don’t look for a coach or a “special friend” when you are thinking illogically. Look to yourself to find the right way to handle the situation. If you can’t, then ponder the thought of seeking professional help.
Facebook is an amazing site to network if your intentions are just that. Unfortunately, some are using it to cry out for help and that could and may hurt a lot of people involved in your personal life now.
Jerry Scott Maldonado is the author of the soon-to-be-published “Columns, Quotes & The American Dream.” He is a featured columnist for The D.C.G. Network of news sites: Sundaynewscape.com, Onequestionnews.com and Imperialvalleynews.com. Jerry’s work has also been featured internationally.