Coming soon to a theater near you: The Passion of the Crist

Mike Riggs Contributor

If Mel Gibson decided to adapt Florida Gov. Charlie Crist’s Senate run into a graphic allegory, his script would begin with an exploration of the PR impotence that allowed Marco Rubio to steamroll Crist in the polls despite allegations that the Hero of Little Havana wasted GOP donor money. Flashbacks to Crist’s earlier teachings–Save the Everglades! Look, I married a woman!–would be interspersed with the governor’s present attempts at getting the media to take him seriously. Then, a warning from the pharisees in the form of Sen. John Cornyn telling Politico that running against Rubio as an independent “would be the end of [Crist’s] political career as a Republican.” Despite increasing rumors that he’s alienating himself from the GOP, Crist, buoyed by a Quinnipiac poll that puts him ahead of Rubio and Democrat Kendrick Meek if he were to run as an independent, vetoes a merit-based pay bill for Florida public school teachers. His gubernatorial predecessor Jeb Bush accuses him of “jeopardizing” the future of education in Florida, while Sen. George “Peter” LeMieux, in an effort to talk an ear off, argues that Crist has “been in public service for 20 years.” Late Thursday, Crist mentor Connie “Judas” Mack reveals that he is resigning as Crist’s campaign chairman. As you read this, Crist is no doubt praying his buns off in the tanning salon of Gethsemane.