Agnostic Hell loses St. Thomas

William Temple | Contributor

As the self-appointed official “Pastor of the Tea Party Movement”- a title I claim by the “law of Imminent Grass-rootiness” (coined that one myself), not to mention “biblical primogeniture,” or, for that matter, by that almost divine American imprimatur: “first come, first served”- I approach my subject with great zealotry. And should you doubt my right to this title, I have the tricorn hat and frilly collar to prove it! And you don’t! So, don’t be surprised, according to the same laws, if I don’t just elevate myself to “Vicar of the Tea Party Movement” at some point. Might have to purchase a more elaborate hat though!

So what’s this all about you say? Well, it’s not about Thomas Aquinas, or even Sir Thomas Moore, both good men of the cloth; but rather about our own founding father, Mr. Thomas Jefferson. You see, there have been egregious and desperate attempts for the last three quarters of a century by liberal academia, and other secularists, to re-write American history, turning not only Mr. Thomas, but the rest of our founding fathers ever so gradually into practical “atheists,” or even more palatable, “agnostics.” And this has been accomplished largely by the quiet self-contented acquiescence of both our former educated generations, and the timidity of religious scholars to speak out and challenge  aggressive liberal dogmas as they oozed into in the public domain. (It is an axiom of humanity’s lazy side, that the man who won’t stand for something, will fall for anything!) Now it is clear, that if you can declare a thing (ad infinitum) with all the media at hand, and indoctrinate generation after generation with historical nonsense; while tactically removing all knowledge of men like Jefferson from textbooks and school curriculum; especially that knowledge of what they actually said and did, you can gradually move the culture to the secular “progressive” left as it is in our classrooms today.

The problem, however, is that that tedious thing called “TRUTH” has a nasty way of poking its sharp little head out every so often, when the occasional non-hypnotized student requires some geeky-haired professor (with a bow-tie) to yell out, “Don’t pay attention to that man behind the curtain!” The university has, after all, become the “Land of Oz” for most of our government indebted students, a land to which they are forever increasingly financially bound.

So I took on Leviathan on the Internet, in a cyber-realm called “Facebook,” and did spiritual battle with an entity called “Southern Atheists” (which I surmised wrongly might just aptly be named after the “southern” regions). Now as I beheld this entity, it bore the image of Thomas Jefferson himself, proudly as its standard bearer. And there I read a young man’s words, a student at a “extinguished” Georgia university, pontificating prodigiously on his discussion page as to why not only Thomas Jefferson was burning in hell (That seemed at the time a trifle judgmental for someone who doesn’t believe in hell at all.), but also John Adams, Ben Franklin, and George Washington, since, as the young man declared without fear of contradiction, “they all had not believed in Jesus Christ as God.” (I guess his iPhone revealed it with his iTunes.)

But, to participate in this discussion, it was required of all that one must first “join” this entity. And after careful deliberation, I placed a comforting hand on my teapot, moved my cursor, and cautiously clicked “join.” As I expected at this site, nothing happened! Later, I felt an overwhelming urge not only to be a member, but a special one at that, since of course every group needs a pastor. Is this not a wonderful country, or what? (Haven’t been able to do any weddings or funerals yet!)

With blinding, two-fingered, laser-speed Google I provided the young man with the following quote from Mr. Jefferson, and informed him I was transporting Thomas from Agnostic Hell:

Almighty God, Who has given us this good land for our heritage; We humbly beseech Thee that we may “always” prove ourselves a people mindful of Thy favor and glad to do Thy will. Bless our land with honorable ministry, sound learning, and pure manners. Save us from violence, discord, and confusion, from pride and arrogance, and from every evil way. Defend our liberties,and fashion into one united people, the multitude brought hither out of many kindreds and tongues. Endow with Thy spirit of wisdom “these whom in Thy name we entrust the authority of government,” (Sounds like Thomas didn’t want any secular folks in office? Hmmm?) that there may be justice and peace at home, and that through obedience to Thy law, we may show forth Thy praise among the nations of the earth. In time of prosperity fill our hearts with thankfulness, and in the day of trouble, suffer not our trust in Thee to fail; all of which we ask through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen. (Emphasis mine.)

(President Jefferson gave this prayer for the nation in Washington, D.C., on March 4, 1801.)

In the days that followed I removed the rest of the founders with similar quotes from the young man’s Agnostic Hell.

You may ask, “So what does this have to do with the Tea Party movement?” The answer, “Everything!”

William Temple is a historical re-enactor, a pastor of a Bible church in Brunswick, Ga., and a well-known figure at Tea Party events across the country.

Tags : facebook george washington iphone jesus christ john adams laser president religion tea party thomas jefferson united states washington washingtonunited states william temple
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