I refer, of course, to the upcoming Syfy Channel Original Movie Sharktopus. Blessed excrement, check this out!
Dude. SHARKTOPUS CAN GO ON LAND. SHARKTOPUS KILLS THE PEOPLE ERIC ROBERTS TELLS HIM TO KILL. FOR THE NAVY. AND THEN SHARKTOPUS GOES FREELANCE AND STARTS CHOMPING ON BIKINI GIRLS BECAUSE WHY NOT. See ya later, Jaws! You had your day. It’s all about Sharktopus now.
What’s that you say? Steven Spielberg? Uh, yeah, whatever. Move over, Steve, ’cause Sharktopus director Declan O’Brien is comin’ through.
And now you’re asking me who Declan O’Brien is? Alright, then: Who ISN’T Declan O’Brien? Declan O’Brien is your mommy. Declan O’Brien is your daddy. Declan O’Brien is your breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Declan O’Brien is the sun on your face. Declan O’Brien is the air you breathe.
Declan O’Brien is God.
Judging by the reaction to the trailer, including the above, it sounds like Sharktopus is turning into the next Snakes on a Plane. Except that was just a bunch of stupid snakes on a stupid plane. Did it have Sharktopus? Not to my knowledge. Did it have Eric Roberts? No, just Samuel L. Jackson. I mean, I like Samuel L. Jackson, but he’s no Eric Roberts. So Sharktopus wins. I’m so happy about Sharktopus, I’m not actually going to watch the movie and ruin the whole thing. But I’ll probably buy the inevitable Snorg t-shirt ripping off one of the lines of dialogue.
Anything else going on today?