First of all, Jon, sorry to hear you’re on your way out. Sure, it’s great that billionaire Sidney Harman just bought the magazine for the hefty sum of $1, or one-sixth of the newsstand price. But wait, there’s more! New York Post:
Newsweek Editor-in-Chief Jon Meacham is expected to exit after the deal to sell the magazine to stereo-mogul Sidney Harman is completed, The Post has learned.
“Meacham has told [Harman] he should look for a new editor and is ready to leave when one is found,” said a source close to the situation…
A key reason why Washington Post CEO Donald Graham picked the 91-year-old Harman to be the new owner is because Harman seemed most interested in preserving jobs for the 325 employees working on the money-losing weekly.
So he’s not laying off anybody… except you, Jon? Ouch!
Please allow me to throw my hat into the ring. I’d be glad to edit Newsweek. Do I know anything about running a magazine? Nope! But neither does Harman. Besides, you worked for the magazine for 15 years, Jon, and you drove it into the ground. Could I really do worse? I guess I could, but at least I’d be cheaper. (Tucker pays me in table scraps and words of praise. Much like a faithful pet, and almost as well house-trained.)
Here are some of my awesome ideas to get everybody to start reading Newsweek again:
- More pictures. People like to look at pictures. When you’ve just got a bunch of words words words, people get bored. They’re like, “Why should I pay for this crap?” Then they pick up an Us Weekly or something. Just because a picture’s worth a thousand words doesn’t mean thousands of words are as good as some more pictures. I would recommend pictures of attractive people.
- Fewer pictures of Obama. I know I just said “more pictures of attractive people,” but I think everybody’s starting to get sick of looking at that dude. He’s everywhere. Way overexposed. He’s on your cover every other week, and your whole deal just got sold for a dollar. This is what we call a hint.
- Stop saying so much stupid stuff. Fareed Zakaria just published a column titled, “Raise My Taxes, Mr. President!” To which any reasonable person can only reply: “Okay, go ahead and raise Fareed’s taxes, Mr. President. Just leave mine the hell alone!” People don’t like paying taxes, they don’t like being lied to about their taxes not going up, and they especially don’t like being lectured about having a bad attitude regarding the first two. Newsweek has fallen into the same trap as the Obama administration: you both act like you’re doing us a favor. Knock it off, and maybe people will start coming back.
- Less boringness. Like right now, you’re thinking, “Is ‘boringness’ even a word?” Bo-ring! People like to read things that are interesting. That’s why they don’t like to read Newsweek. More interestingness = More readers. Do the math, knucklehead!
- Casual Fridays. And when I say “casual,” I mean “clothing-optional.” It’s done wonders for the morale here at the Daily Caller, although the fluorescent lighting doesn’t really bring out the definition in my abs and glutes.
That’s all I have off the top of my head. If I don’t hear back from you by the end of business today, Jon, I will assume I have been hired. Yay!