Opinion

Money, Power, & Greed: Taliban in the boardroom

Bill Regardie Founder, Regardie's Magazine
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Gosh, I miss the good old days when Mad Men ruled the media and a female greeter and a CEO’s loose expense account were how business was run.

Alas, no more, as Hewlett Packard’s Mark Hurd discovered all too harshly. The bad news is that it’s only going to get worse. Much worse.

I just got off the phone with Dr. Ralph Brownnose, who holds the Michael Milken chair of Ethics at Allenwood College for White Collar Crime. His vision of where this trend of corporate responsibility is leading was most illuminating, and frightening.

“The trend line,” he said, “is very clear. As America falls further behind the rest of the developing world, the country is getting mad as hell. As a result, corporate boards of directors are going to be forced to take up what I call the Taliban Approach. Any ethical failures by their leaders, and it’s off with their heads, or something else.”

“Surely, you’re joking,” I said.

“That’s what they said in Afghanistan, too,” he said. “Mr. Hurd is just the first wave.

“You see, Americans are now so afraid of what is happening to their lives — and their country – that they are beginning to blame their leaders. Both politically and corporately. There are, what, eight members of Congress facing some stage of inquiry? At least they can vote those bums out of office.

“Corporate big shots like H-P’s Mr. Hurd are another story. When some guy is making $30 million a year and cutting a few corners, dismissal is the least of the penalties.

“You see, board members are not going to have any choice or else they may face the same penalties.”

“How so, Dr. Brownnose?”

“Mark Hurd’s dismissal was merely the shot across the bow. The next CEO will face the loss of all of his ludicrous salary, pension and stock benefits, even if they’re written in stone. The golden parachute might as well be a relic in the Air & Space Museum. No jury will find for a corporate fat cat who pulls any crap.”

“What about hopping on the corporate jet to fly to Pebble Beach for a weekend of golf? Someone who has turned his company around and driven the stock up 500% must get a little leeway?”

“Mr. Regardie, you haven’t been listening. I just published an article for the WSJ called “The Hurd Effect.” From now on, you either pay for it personally, or you join Mr. Hurd in Palm Desert. Or worse.”

“What’s worse?”

“Have you ever tried to play golf with one hand, Mr. Regardie?

“What the hell are you talking about, doc?”

“It’s the next step of the Taliban Approach I referred to earlier.

“The first offense, if it’s not too serious — like cheating on your expense account — you lose your writing hand.

“If you go a little further, say backdate some stock options, you lose an eye.”

“Wow. Does it get any worse?”

“It can. If you really embarrass the company, they’ll trump up some charges and send you to jail for three years.”

“That doesn’t seem that bad.”

“It is, because they put you in a cell with Maxine Waters.”

Bill Regardie was the founder and publisher of Regardie’s Magazine.