DC Trawler

Jonny 5 is the closest thing to a Coffee Party star they’ll ever have

And for all the wrong reasons. I’m not going to humiliate the guy by posting the video of his awful rap again… On second thought, why not?

The crowd was having trouble raising the roof without raising their blood pressure.

In response to this instant classic, Iowahawk the Funniest Man on the Internet has created a new Twitter hashtag, #Jonny5MadFlow. So far it’s better than the original. Here are some highlights:

iowahawkblog gotta beard like Che / an Art History BA / gonna rap all day til you crackers go away

tobikiriakujin Coming for the bloomers/staying for the meds/I like ’em in their walkers/but I love ’em with depends

iowahawkblog I got phat beats / I got dope flow / the geriatrics love me / more than lime Jell-o

TheH2 T party ’bout defacement / how’s your hip replacement? / I kick it old skool / in my momma’s basement

AceofSpadesHQ I got the joint in a riot like a lyrical Attica/hey this lady in front needs help with her sciatica

iowahawkblog You can’t stop our movement / with anti-taxes / cuz we ate bran muffins and 2 Ex-Laxes

tarheelpundit Bowl-cut homey rapping at this leftist rally/got the elders in a lather like the Matlock finale

jtLOL You can’t stop the movement, gotta get up and dance/’Cause– whoops, a Coffee Party in the back of my pants

iowahawkblog A million man army can’t stop our movement / we’re takin’ Lipitor for cardio improvement

jtLOL Straight outta Denver, crazy motherhumper named Jonny 5/For a cause that really is not alive

iowahawkblog You can’t stop our movement / our movement is pure / we take Metamucil and chocolate Ensure

iowahawkblog I’m here to rap / about the Teabagger fights / please don’t clap / it turns off the lights

jpodhoretz Our movement got power/Our movement got heart/We got a chair in the shower/And a motorized cart

CaptKirk01 It’s all about the movement, and the coffee in my cup / I’m sorry that you’ve fallen and can’t get up.

jtLOL When it comes to ill rhymes, I got a propensity/Now take your Fosamax to improve bone density

You should go to Twitter right now and follow everybody quoted in this post (click the links). Except jtLOL, because he sucks. And check out the #Jonny5MadFlow tag for the latest. Iowahawk is on a roll…