1.) The Potomac is full of swimming rats — The hinterland will soon be full of vermin. Vermin who could not bring themselves to vote for tax cuts for hard-working men and women before scurrying back to these same folks and demanding–nay, begging–for renewed fealty. Many of these folks, however, are on the cusp of an epiphany: I elected a small hairy animal to the United States Congress. The Daily Caller’s Chris Moody has the details, in case you or someone you know likes to think about these things: “The House voted 210-209 to end the session [yesterday], with 39 Democrats joining Republicans who have demanded a vote on the tax cuts for the past few weeks. In a rare move, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was forced to cast the tie-breaking decision.” Minority Leader John Boehner demanded a chance to vote on preserving tax cuts in order to reward people who get out there and make a buck in this country, but his plea fell on deaf ears. Next time, he should try translating the message into verminspeak.
2.) The Post Office is dying, and it is all your fault — The Post Office could raise the cost of a stamp today by as much as 2 cents in order to stave off the agency’s collapse. “In July the Postal Service proposed raising first-class postage from 44 cents to 46 cents as part of a strategy for dealing with a deepening financial crisis. The Postal Service lost $3.8 billion last year and is on track to lose $7 billion this year and next,” reports the AP. Ugh. Who cares? Internet and FedEx are all we need.
3.) Obamacare’s next victim: Line cooks and other souls trapped in fastfood purgatory — If negotiations between HHS and McDonald’s fall through, the fast-food chain’s employees will learn a valuable lesson: Life can always get much, much worse. According to ABC News and the Wall Street Journal, “McDonald’s told federal regulators in a memo that it would be ‘economically prohibitive’ for its insurance carrier to continue to cover hourly workers unless it receives a waiver to the 80 percent minimum requirement.” This 80 percent rule requires insurers to spend a minimum of 80 percent of their ca$h money on care, and not on lear jets and islands made of chocolate and stained glass. And because such mandates can have unintended consequences, like cost increases, McDonald’s very well may save itself a headache and drop its insurance plan altogether, unless HHS makes an exception. Incidentally, there are supposed to be no exceptions, and if McDonald’s gets one, everyone will want one.
4.) Waxman abandons net neutrality legislation — “Rep. Henry Waxman (D-Calif.) confirmed Wednesday afternoon that his net neutrality bill was effectively scrapped after Rep. Joe Barton (R-Tex.) declined to support the legislation,” the Washington Post reported, leaving many Congress watchers wondering why it wasn’t this easy to kill Obamacare. “With great regret, I must report that ranking member Barton has informed me that support for this legislation will not be forthcoming at this time,” Waxman said in a statement. Really, Waxman is mostly relieved. The Professional Left hated his bill for not killing enough freedom, and the right hated the bill for killing any freedom at all.
5.) ‘Austerity riots’ reveal Homo neanderthalensis to be alive and well on European Continent — “Tens of thousands of protesters took to the streets of Europe today as strikes against austerity measures that have hit public spending and services on the continent caused widespread disruption,” reports the Guardian. “In Brussels marchers from across Europe waved union flags and carried banners saying ‘No to austerity’ and ‘Priority to jobs and growth,’ bringing parts of the city to a halt.” The protestors, many of them rotten-hearted young people whose life on the dole has made them stupid, spoiled, and lazy, have charged the financial markets with messing up their socialism. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, government heads in most of Europe are scrambling to keep the markets bright and chipper by pruning their budgets like an epileptic landscaper. “These countries still need to cut their budget deficits and convince the market that their five-year budget deficit plans will work out,” one analyst told the Guardian. Otherwise, Europe may lose its capitalists and be stuck only with these grown globs of commie love.
6.) Democratic congressman funnels $100 million to family — “Rep. Russ Carnahan of Missouri has voted with the Democratic Party 99 percent of the time since he assumed office in 2005, and was among those who consistently espoused the merits of the 2009 stimulus package,” reports The Daily Caller’s Amanda Carey. In exchange for being a reliable vote for Nancy Pelosi and Pres. Obama on whatever they wanted Carnahan to vote on, the Missouri congressman’s brother received 100 million stimubucks for his…wind farm. Yes, it really is that simple.