1.) Pistole has some ‘splaining to do — How essential to America’s national security are the backscatter machines that TSA administrator John Pistole spent the last two weeks defending with every ounce of his professional integrity? NOT. VERY. According to tech blog Gizmodo, travelers in Columbus, Ohio, Los Angeles, Seattle, and San Jose (for starters) reported that the backscatter x-ray machines so necessary to our survival were “roped off” and “not in use.” When asked by Gizmodo if TSA HQ had discouraged use of the machines to preemptively defuse “opt-out day,” a TSA spokesperson said, “No. Nothing to this at all.” Here’s another question for the TSA: Why do only some airports need to know what their travelers look like naked?
2.) What cutting entitlements looks like — Entitlement defenders deemed Erskine Bowles and Alan Simpson the heads of an unholy catfood commission for a reason: Cutting entitlements means giving away (as in: gratis) fewer things to fewer people. But cut entitlements we must, because eventually the U.S. government will run out of other people’s money, and then what? In the meantime, a sneak peak at the costs of reform: The Washington Post reports that some doctors are cutting back on the number of Medicare patients they serve and the frequency with which they serve them, while some doctors are dropping Medicare patients altogether. “Doctors across the country describe similar decisions, complaining that they’ve been forced to shift away from Medicare toward higher-paying, privately insured or self-paying patients in response to years of penny-pinching by Congress,” the Post reports. Said one doctor, “It’s not easy. But you realize you either do this or you don’t stay in business.” Isn’t cutting entitlements fun?
3.) America’s pets experiencing obesity epidemic, too — “Overweight pets are a serious health issue today,” reports HealthDay News. “About half of the nation’s companion animals — some 90 million cats and ogs — are tipping the scales, according to the Association for Pet Obesity Prevention.” Fat pets are just like people, basically, in that all they do is eat, eat, eat big heaping tablespoons of peanut butter drizzled with chocolate syrup and sprinkled with sea salt, and Italian medley hoagies with too much cheese, and as a result, they get the same diseases: Arthritis, kidney disease, heart disease, and Seat’s Taken Syndrome. As a result, “in 2009, the Veterinary Pet Insurance Co. said its policyholders filed more than $17 million in claims for conditions and diseases that can be caused by excess weight.” Pretty soon we will need to overhaul the pet insurance industry LOL.
4.) Drug tunnel found in heart of San Diego presents interesting challenge to idea of national security — And that challenge is this: Why don’t we have any? “A half-mile tunnel, discovered Thursday morning in a warehouse in the Otay Mesa area of San Diego, is close to a similar one federal agents found earlier this month, the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency said,” reports CNN. We can’t fly the friendly skies with more than 3 ounces of Barbasol in our carry-on bags, but Mexican drug lords—the kind who cut off people’s heads with rusty machetes, bury innocent migrant workers in mass graves, torture indiscriminately, and sell dangerous marijuana to toddlers and blind people—can come into our country in a cool underground tunnel? Oh, excuse us: Two tunnels.
5.) Pill-head enablers still lobbying like it’s January 2010 — The Pharmaceutical Care Management Association spent almost as much lobbying during the second quarter of 2010 as it did during the first quarter, even though every word of Obamacare has been chiseled onto the face of Mt. Rushmore and there are no more free teats. “The group said its lobbying interests included Medicare and Medicaid payments to pharmacies, reimbursement rates, competition, plan administrations, required disclosures, electronic prescribing, and chronic care. It also discussed how the health care overhaul law could affect many aspects of the pharmacy benefits management industry,” reports Business Week. “The Pharmaceutical Care Management Association’s lobbying costs grew 78 percent from the third quarter of 2009, when it spent $362,000. The group spent about $677,000 in the first quarter of 2010, and $552,000 in the second quarter.” Well, maybe there’s some milk left in the old cow after all.
6.) Republicans consider getting rid of stupid honorary blah blah blah — “Today’s Republicans, imbued with a sense that Washington’s priorities have become muddled, contend that most commemorations are a waste of floor time needed for more pressing matters,” reports the LA Times. “A leader of the House’s new Republican majority intends to end the practice of voting on such resolutions — or at least dramatically scale it back.” That leader would be Rep. Eric Cantor, who hates Confucius and the irritating length of Pi, and doubly hates time spent honoring an ancient Chinese hairdresser and made-up numbers. Robert Byrd is probably spinning in his bed sheets.