Yesterday everybody was like, “Check it out, Hosni Mubarak is going to step down today!” But Mubarak was all like, “Nuh-uh, no I’m not.” Don’t worry, though, because the finest minds in America are on top of it. NYT:
The administration appeared as taken aback by Mr. Mubarak’s speech as the crowds in Tahrir Square. The director of the Central Intelligence Agency, Leon E. Panetta, testified before the House of Representatives on Thursday morning that there was a “strong likelihood” that Mr. Mubarak would step down by the end of the day.
American officials said Mr. Panetta was basing his statement not on secret intelligence but on media broadcasts, which began circulating before he sat down before the House Intelligence Committee.
That’s right: he saw it on the teevee!
Since Mr. Panetta is getting his top-secret superspy info on Egypt from the boob tube, I am now authorized to share with you the following high-level intelligence briefing on the region:
It’s going to be okay, everybody. They got this.
By the way, during that same House testimony, Panetta’s fellow problem-solver James Clapper claimed the Muslim Brotherhood is “largely secular.” He also gets stumped when you ask him, “Is the Pope Catholic?”
The White House has gone silent since Mubarak’s speech, as Obama and his closest advisors huddle together and try to figure out how to blame this mess on Rush Limbaugh.
P.S. Yay, Obama did it! If you’re excited about people-powered movements bringing social change, as long as they’re not a bunch of teabaggers, you might be a liberal.
P.P.S. The advance transcript of Obama’s speech later today reveals that he plans to take credit for sending that asp to Cleopatra.