DC Trawler

Do We Need Teachers?

Frank J. Contributor
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Governor Walker has outlined big cuts to the Wisconsin state budget — which I assume involves not paying the 14 missing Democrat senators. I have a good idea to cut even more from the budget: Why not just get rid of all the teachers?

Obviously, all this protesting proves that teachers are big trouble to keep employed, so why not reevaluate whether we need them in the first place? Wisconsin can keep the schools and just have the non-union staff like the janitors and cafeteria workers teach the kids. Or more like apprentice them, I guess — like have them clean the school and serve food. Because, really, how many kids are going to have jobs where they’re going to use algebra or need to know all the state capitals? But I bet a lot of them will have jobs where cleaning skills and food preparation will be pretty relevant.

Actually, does a job even exist where you need to know the state capitals and can’t just google it on your smart phone? And that’s the thing: Smart kids can figure out how to look up anything they need to know on the internet these days. They can teach themselves what they need to know at no cost to the taxpayer while the others prepare us food.

Which reminds me of another idea inspired by Michelle Obama: We should spend more time exercising kids instead of teaching them. As Michelle has been saying, kids these days are fat, smelly, and ugly, and no one wants to look at them. I want to vomit just thinking about them. So instead of wasting the school day filling kids with facts freely available on the internet, let’s have those little fatties jog around the school so they’re not so disgusting anymore. And you don’t need teachers for that — just hire anyone willing to punch kids who get out of line. You can probably pay minimum wage for that.

So getting rid of teachers is a real cost saving idea and will probably result in better — or at least tireder — kids who tend to be less noisy. The only problem is what to do with all the unemployed teachers. Maybe they can work in a rock quarry; I’m pretty sure we need to have more large rocks turned into smaller rocks in order to win the future. Does Wisconsin have rock quarries? Give me a sec while I google that on my smart phone…

Frank J. blogs at IMAO.us and sometimes write columns. He is also on the Twitters.

Frank J.