Trump: Got 99 problems, but rich ain’t one

Ron Hart Contributor
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You have to give it to Trump. He started out broke and, by pure determination and grit, built a big real estate business in New York that made his family a fortune. But enough about Donald Trump’s father, Frederick Trump. Let’s discuss “The Donald’s” presidential aspirations.

A poll puts Trump in the lead if he runs. My guess is it was a poll of Democrats taken by the Trump Polling Company.

The field of GOP presidential contenders is so mediocre that a novelty candidate like Donald Trump quickly gained traction. Obama needs to go, but I know the Republicans are going to blow this opportunity. As of yet, I just don’t know how.

As Tucker Carlson notes, the GOP historically gives its nomination in a hierarchical and sequenced manner according to whose turn in line has come: Bush 41, Dole, Bush 43 and then McCain. Most think this election is Mitt Romney’s turn, but Carlson points out that the country is in a non-traditional mood. He thinks it will be a dark horse, namely New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. The rotund Christie struck a chord with Tea Party members when a YouTube video of him yelling at a government union member over cutting burgeoning union benefits went viral. Christie shook one fist and “had a microwave burrito in the other.” Sadly, Christie says he is not running. He is apparently not doing sit-ups, either.

The good thing about Trump running is that he is mucking up the entrenched Republican old guard. The old GOP knew all it had to do was steer slightly right of the Democrats to stay in its gerrymandered districts and enjoy the spoils of Washington, D.C. With the Tea Party and Trump making noise, Republicans may have to act on their rhetoric.

In my view, shaking up the race can only be a good thing. Washington has the spending discipline of a college freshman frat boy. The U.S. debt rating is under review, which will raise our cost of borrowing. People are tired of politicians just going through the motions on fiscal responsibility. We have a $65 trillion unfunded liability with Medicare alone. The government is either going to have to tax us to death or cause rampant inflation by printing dollars to pay folks back with less-valued paper. It would be worse than getting paid back in Confederate money, which at least has value to collectors.

Sixty-four-year-old Trump is fresh blood for the GOP, which has not had a New Yorker with a bad comb-over and multiple wives espousing family values as a presidential candidate since 2008, when Rudy Giuliani ran. But, like many others who are encumbered by a reality show, he seems to think that giving up the show would be a huge sacrifice. Trump’s presidential ambitions could hinge on whether NBC signs Cyndi Lauper, Wink Martindale and Flava Flav for the next season of Celebrity Apprentice. I think our Constitution says that if a presidential candidate has a hit reality show, he or she can refuse to run for president on the grounds of a higher calling: TV ratings.

Some say Trump would be weak on foreign affairs, but, to be fair, he has married most of the foreign women with whom he has had affairs. When asked about Libya, he was vague and said he would have done it differently. I am not sure how Trump expects to end the three wars we are in if he cannot even keep Meatloaf and Gary Busey from fighting with each other on his show.

If elected, Trump must vow to not let any of his duties interfere with the staging of the Miss Universe pageant. Many think it is rigged anyway; someone from Earth wins every year.

Trump’s main campaign theme is that he will deal sternly with China and OPEC. He says, “China is not our friend.” This is good, since I have always been told it is not a good idea to borrow money from a friend.

Maybe a GOP showdown will come down to reality show stars Trump and Palin. He can try to “fire” her, and she can try to shoot him — or at least that thing on his head — from a helicopter. We had best pick one of them, because waiting in the wings are two reality show stars with books out: The Situation and Snooki. Sadly, it has come to this.

Ron Hart is a syndicated op-ed humorist, author and TV/radio commentator. Email Ron@RonaldHart.com or at visit RonaldHart.com