“Keeping with the theme, it’s the fucking Washington Monument,” train-wreck actor Charlie Sheen said of his privates on Tuesday during his D.C. Torpedo of Truth visit.
Sheen, who showed up to the event an hour late as a result of a required Los Angeles court appearance, told The Daily Caller that he is a fan of the nation’s capital.
“So far, it’s awesome,” Sheen told TheDC of the district. “Look at this reception, it’s outstanding.”
When asked about his “goddess girlfriends”, Sheen told TheDC, “They’re doing great. Rachel’s back home but Natty’s with me and everything’s good there, ya know?”
But Sheen, who has been in the spotlight for much of 2011 for getting fired from “Two and a Half Men” and being taken to the hospital as a result of a high profile drug binge, had less than positive things to say about his two ex-wives, Brooke Mueller and model Denise Richards.
On D.C., Sheen told TheDC, “I just landed, we had a police escort and we ran more red lights than Brooke Mueller heading to a pawn shop.”
When TheDC inquired about Richards, who has had several public feuds with her former spouse and accused him of physical abuse, Sheen said, “Denise? She’s next…She’s next yeah, I’m going to go inside.”
During his show, Sheen said of the way he’d punish Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi, “I’d make him marry Brooke and Denise.”
Sheen delved into politics during his act, referencing a Public Policy Polling poll (and mistaking it for a Huffington Post poll) that reveals he would be a more popular presidential candidate than former Alaska gov. Sarah Palin and President Barack Obama.
“[The poll] had me annihilating that lunatic from Alaska,” Sheen said. “Some of the conservative polls…it had me beating our president…Isn’t that the craziest fucking idea ever? Is there anybody in here that would actually fucking vote for me?”
Expanding on his presidential qualifications, Sheen took a hit at Obama, who some believe was born in Kenya rather than the United States.
“For starters I was fucking born here,” Sheen said. “And I got proof. I didn’t photoshop my birth certificate. I know, I know I promised this wouldn’t be political but look where we fucking are, man!”
On how he’d handle White House home life, Sheen said, “I don’t know how custody would work with half a first family.”
Sheen’s vice presidential running mate? “Nick Cage,” Sheen said.
Sheen, who said to audience members, “I hope you had a better fucking day than I did,” had love for servicemen. Sheen described military personnel as “total fucking heroes.”
The show lasted an hour and a half and included questions from the audience, comments from Sheen, and a roast from comedian Jeffrey Ross, who compared Charlie Sheen’s nose to the White House.
Throughout the evening, attendees booed, left the auditorium, and screamed for Sheen to “be funnier.” Sheen invited several audience members up to the podium for a quick Q&A session, but kicked one man off the stage after the guy asked how many women Sheen had “f—ed.” Apparently, it’s possible to be too crass for Charlie Sheen.
At the end of the night, TheDC ran into White House crasher and “Real Housewives of D.C.” reality star Michaele Salahi.
When asked if Salahi likes Sheen, Salahi told TheDC, “I love Charlie Sheen, winning!”
Though the show wasn’t sold out, plenty of attendees came from far away to listen to Sheen’s rants.
James Swartz, an 18-year-old senior from Pasadena, Maryland’s Northeast High School, told TheDC that his father had no clue his son had made the 1.5 hour drive to Sheen’s event.
“My dad doesn’t know, but it’s cool, he won’t care,” Swartz told TheDC. “There is one aspect of Sheen that he is not a good person, but then there’s another side to him that he’s making money from what some celebrities couldn’t recover from.”
Swartz, who wrote a piece on Sheen for his high school publication, met the former “Two and a Half Men” star but was told by Sheen himself that photographs were not allowed. Sheen offered another man a handshake but said pictures were prohibited.
“Sorry, I can’t do that, either, I’m sorry,” Sheen told Swartz, who asked to get a snapshot with the actor.
Sandi Burns of Silver Spring, Md., told TheDC Sheen’s candor encouraged her to see him perform.
“He’s attractive, he’s for real, he speaks what he thinks, even on his show,” Burns said.