Ron Hart Ron Hart is a libertarian humorist and author who can be reached at Ron@RonaldHart.com.
Font Size:

California, the state like your fun-but-always-broke, “confirmed bachelor” crazy uncle, is now considering a plan to require public schools to teach gay history. This could only happen in California, where the citizens believe there is nothing government should not be doing and doing it poorly.

The bill, which has passed the state Senate, would add gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered persons to those groups that MUST be included in social studies lessons. Then it must be signed by Governor “Moonbeam” Jerry Brown; I presume he will do so quickly, with a pink, feathered boa pen.

For the record, you cannot teach religion in schools, but you can be forced to teach gay history. Gay theater department heads who also sing in their church choirs have not been this confused since high school.

My guess is the program teaches the important roles gays have played in society, such as policeman, construction worker, Indian, sailor and cowboy. It will also require field trips to Lady Gaga concerts. AP classes will explore the subtle context of Brokeback Mountain.

Now, as a libertarian, I am fine with gay marriage and gay rights — but not extra rights, which is what they usually mean. I have long felt gays are born that way, and for conservatives to spend political energy to make life difficult for them is absurd. If God made these folks, I am not sure why religious evangelicals have to spend so much time trying to control what they do with other consenting adults. I am not a fan of the mechanics, but I certainly am not focused on them.

If you are against gay marriage because you do not like gay sex, what better way exists to bring it to a screeching halt than marriage? Why should heterosexuals be the only ones trapped in a situation from which the only escape is either to die or to lose half of the assets the divorce lawyers do not take in a long and painful divorce?

That said, California is the Costco of crazy the way it spends money on “social” goals.

There will be appeals of the bill by conservative activists in California but, since they would go to the uber-liberal Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco, they might as well put it to a vote at a Barbara Streisand concert.

This bill comes after California recently opened its first gay history museum. New York already has one: it’s called Greenwich Village. Curators in California hope to acquire that Holy Grail of gay memorabilia, Liberace’s cape.

San Francisco residents can be catty and downright bitchy when national politics do not go the way they see fit. When Arizona adopted a strong anti-illegal immigration law, the city tried to boycott that state, dealing a catastrophic blow to the otherwise thriving Arizona gay bighorn sheep hunting industry.

Of late, we have become hypersensitive about gay issues. Kobe Bryant was fined six figures by the NBA for calling a referee “gay,” which is crazy. What gay guy would wear black and white stripes? It is not fabulous and it is sooo Footlocker.

Universal Studios even pulled a trailer for Vince Vaughn’s upcoming movie, because Vaughn said that “electric cars are gay” in the trailer. I guess Vaughn outed “green” cars, causing a Prius to run into the rear of a Nissan Leaf in Texas. Both cars were arrested for sodomy.

In reality, the gay “issue” is the biggest non-issue of this presidential campaign. It diverts attention from the real problem: spending.

When asked about gay marriage, the leading candidates say the following:

Barack Obama is “against gay marriage.”

Mitt Romney says he is “for domestic partnerships,” but has flip-flopped on the issue. It sounds like someone had a crazy Mardi Gras weekend in Utah.

Sarah Palin says, “Marriage is between a man and a woman only.”

Donald Trump says, “Watch Celebrity Apprentice on Wednesday nights at 9 on NBC.”

You can see they have all thought it through in predictable ways.

Californians can do what they want, but when they run all the business out and taxes are so high that no one wants to live there, the state will go bankrupt. Our federal government had better not bail them out. It will send the wrong message. And if California is about anything, it is about sending the wrong message.

Ron Hart is a syndicated op-ed humorist, author and TV/radio commentator. Email Ron@RonaldHart.com or at visit RonaldHart.com