1.) White House’s clown-car victory lap continues — Donald Rumsfeld would call the following a “known unknown.” The UK’s Daily Telegraph reports: “Leon Panetta, director of the CIA, revealed there was a 25 minute blackout during which the live feed from cameras mounted on the helmets of the US special forces was cut off… In an interview with PBS, Mr Panetta said: ‘Once those teams went into the compound I can tell you that there was a time period of almost 20 or 25 minutes where we really didn’t know just exactly what was going on. And there were some very tense moments as we were waiting for information. We had some observation of the approach there, but we did not have direct flow of information as to the actual conduct of the operation itself as they were going through the compound.’ Mr Panetta also told the network that the US Navy Seals, rather than Mr Obama, made the final decision to kill bin Laden.” Wait, does that mean Barack isn’t the second coming of George S. Patton anymore? As for why Hillary had her hand over her mouth in that less-iconic-than-it-seemed pic of Barack & Friends supposedly watching the raid go down in real-time: Maybe she had the taco salad.
2.) Should we keep an eye out for Bin Laden pics? — If you really want to see Bin Laden’s brains coming out of his head, Judicial Watch is trying to help. Mark Tapscott at the Washington Examiner writes: “Something is up with Judicial Watch’s Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request for photos, videos and other recordings of the successful Navy SEALs raid that resulted in Osama bin Laden’s death. Does Judicial Watch have some or all of the photos or videos? Tom Fitton, the group’s president, won’t say, but we’ll all find out.” They’ve announced a press conference for 10 this morning. If they don’t have the headshot, maybe they can at least answer that other burning Bin Laden question: boxers or briefs?
3.) Moat point — How can you tell President Barack is really bipartisan and likes to reach across the aisle and can disagree without being disagreeable? Because he’s always painting his opponents in the worst possible light and assigning to them the most nefarious of motives. For example, he says that Republicans who push for increased border security probably want to build an alligator-filled moat around the United States. Get it? Because if you don’t like how he does things, you live in a castle or something. Well, freshman Congressman Joe Walsh (R-NOT THE EAGLES) is willing to play along. As TheDC’s Jonathan Strong reports, Walsh responded thusly in a letter to Barack: “I actually think a moat might be a very good idea and I’m wondering how many alligators it would take to secure the entire border.” Walsh says he’s not being serious, but then, neither is the president: “When you consult with Latino Hollywood celebrities such as Eva Longoria and Rosario Dawson wanting their take on immigration reform, you aren’t serious. When you sit down with the SEIU and other union leaders to get their take on immigration reform, you aren’t serious. When you threaten to sue border states that are only doing what the federal government won’t do, you aren’t being serious. And, finally, when you bring up ‘immigration reform’ for political reasons – to fire up the folks on the left as the election season nears – you aren’t serious.” Seriously.
4.) Chris Christie still awesome — If you’re wondering why so many people love Chris Christie, it’s because of things like the following. TheDC’s Steven Nelson writes: “Christie was asked at a Thursday press conference whether he believes in evolution. In his famously brash manner, Christie responded, ‘that’s none of your business.’ Last week, Christie told attendees of a local town hall that he believes decisions on teaching creationism should be left to local school districts, NJ.com reports.” Wow, a politician who doesn’t think his own personal beliefs, whatever they may be, should override the ability of professionals to make decisions at the local level? They should stand or fall on their own? Sounds like he believes in natural selection! Well, take it from Christie: When a reporter asks a gotcha question, designed not to elicit information but to reinforce the interrogator’s narrative, sometimes you gotta throw your weight around.
5.) WaPo shareholders even more nervous than usual — TheDC’s Matthew Boyle writes: “The Washington Post Company’s annual meeting of stockholders was not a joyous occasion for many in the room Thursday morning. Since the Post’s cash cow, for-profit higher education company Kaplan, has taken a turn for the worse in recent months due to the Department of Education’s implementation of stringent regulations on the profit-driven education industry, the company as a whole appears to be in dire straits. Washington Post Company Chairman Donald Graham tried to reaffirm stockholders’ confidence in Kaplan at the meeting by making a humanitarian, rather than a fiscal, argument. He said Kaplan is helping people in needy communities who wouldn’t otherwise be able to pursue higher education, even though it’s ‘expensive’ to do what the company is doing.” Also, they publish some sort of “news-paper.” That’s another good way to make money, right?
6.) Oprah denies deafness — White House partycrasher and Real Housewives of DC organism Michaele Salahi is claiming that when she met Oprah Winfrey at Barack’s inauguration, Oprah told her, “Wow, you have an amazing voice!” This is about as plausible as anything else Salahi has ever said. If you’ve heard her debut single, “Bump It” — and if so, our condolences — you know that the only amazing thing about her voice is that she found someone willing to record it. Now a spokesman for the Salahis tells TheDC’s Laura Donovan: “The simple facts are, when Oprah stated to Michaele Salahi that she had an amazing voice, she did so in front of several witnesses, including Mr. Salahi, Mr. Eric Meyrowitz who is the VP of programming for Tribune Broadcasting, and his wife… In addition, Grammy Award winner, Mr. Bebe Winans was present & several others back stage that all heard Oprah state that.” Great. And when they all deny knowing what these parasites are talking about either, it’ll be some other lie. Hey guys, if you want to preserve the illusion that Michaele is a great singer, why are you letting her sing in public? The only reason Charles Foster Kane built his wife an opera house is because back then they didn’t have iPhone apps.