If you’re like me — and if so, my condolences — your first thought when hearing about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s illegitimate kid was, “Hey, wonder what’ll happen to that dopey-looking Governator cartoon? Who’s his archnemesis, Cervix Luthor? Will he hang out in the Fortress of Pulchritude?” And other near-jokes. If you were worried that we might not ever find out, here’s some good news from the Hollywood Reporter:
The Governator, a collaboration between A2 Entertainment, Archie Comics and Stan Lee’s Pow! Entertainment that has already sold into several foreign territories and awaits a U.S. network, stars Schwarzenegger as a superhero with a crimefighting lair beneath his Brentwood house. Schwarzenegger “creates a secret identity beneath his home — so secret that even his wife, Maria, and kids are unaware,” says The Governator’s press release, “a superhero living a double life, who’s also a devoted family man who needs to make it home for dinner every night.”
Andy Heyward, CEO of A2, says no changes will be made to the series.
“A2’s Governator animated series and its lore is fictional and stands on its merits,” Heyward tells THR. “Of course we wish the family the best in this challenging time.”
Hey, they didn’t say which family the Governator is devoted to. They didn’t say which home he makes it back to every night.
This whole thing really opens up some new story ideas. Maybe it was actually Bizarro Governator who knocked up that woman who isn’t Arnold’s wife, in an evil scheme to make him look bad. Or, wait, it was a hologram! A hologram can put a baby in a lady, probably. Like on Star Trek, right?
I always heard that steroids made your testicles shrink, but Arnold has completely destroyed that myth. How big are his balls, making a kid’s cartoon based on his own life when he fathered a secret lovechild right under his wife’s nose? Superman, Thor, and the Incredible Hulk couldn’t lift those things.
(Hat tip: Sean O’Neal at the AV Club, who asks, “Aren’t you a whole lot more interested in seeing it now?” Gotta say.)
P.S. The LA Times got a look at some of the work they’re doing on the show:
An outline obtained by The Times says the lead character was to juggle the responsibilities of being an “action hero” and “family man.” One potential theme was to have been when Arnold’s mission was complicated by “remembering to buy Maria a gift for their anniversary.”
This should be easy enough to work around.
Governator to snarky-but-devoted android butler J33V3Z: Check the oil in the Governatormobile. Cancel my lunch date with Batman. Oh, and remind me not to tell Maria about any more of my illegitimate children.