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TheDC Morning: CBS makes Herman Cain sit at the back of the poll

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1.) Chris Wallace vs. Jon Stewart, Round 2 — It’s been a week since Jon Stewart brought his passive-aggressive “clown nose on/clown nose off” act to Fox News Sunday, and Chris Wallace isn’t done talking about it. TheDC’s Jeff Poor was watching yesterday, and here’s some of what Wallace had to say: “Jon seemed to think that was a big deal that I said we tell the other side of the story. While I wish I had said the full story, here is what I meant. As we showed today, we don’t go easy on Republicans. But we try to provide a fuller perspective. For instance, pointing out the strengths and some of problems with Obamacare before anyone else did. But let me give you a classic example of what ‘fair and balanced’ means to me. After Hurricane Katrina, the mainstream media piled on FEMA for the failure to respond to the crisis. And the federal government did a lousy job. But it was Fox News that started reporting on the failure of the first responders – the city of New Orleans and the state of Louisiana to help people. Yes, we reported FEMA’s problems, but we also told the other side of the story.” Wallace also brought up PolitiFact’s analysis of Stewart’s assertion that Fox News viewers are stinky stinky poopheads. Let’s hope Stewart goes on his show to yell and make faces some more about it, and his audience bleats with joy at his brave iconoclasm, and we get another few days of this. Wallace also raised eyebrows yesterday when he asked Michele Bachmann, “Are you a flake?” If she’s a flake, Obama is a glacier.

2.) Remember when Obama was cool? — Not as vividly as he does! He’s been running around lamenting the big change from Hope to Nope, and he wants to remind you that it’s kinda your fault. Politico reports: “Barack Obama’s second presidential campaign seems destined to lack 2008’s gleam of insurgency — and nobody knows it better than Obama. At a series of recent fundraisers, the president lamented his loss of cool, his transformation from fresh to familiar, from edgy to establishment. ‘I’m sort of old news,’ he told supporters at a New York fundraiser last week. ‘I know that it’s not going to be exactly the same as when I was young and vibrant and new,’ he mused. ‘And there was — posters everywhere, hope. The logo was really fresh. And let’s face it, it was cool to support me back then….’ Obama has mourned his tattered coolness at about half a dozen recent fundraisers.” Is this just his usual narcissistic self-pity? Or is he trying to head off the inevitable criticism from his voters who’ve been paying attention and realize they’ve been duped? Maybe his new campaign slogan will be “Obama 2012: Older But Wiser.” Although considering his performance in office so far, he’s only really nailed the “older” part. Come on, America, just because you’re tired of him and he can’t exactly run on his record, that’s no reason not to reelect him, right? How about an ovation for old time’s sake? Just a quick one. Aw, don’t be like that. Can he at least get a pity vote?

3.) CBS makes Herman Cain sit at the back of the poll — Herman Cain has been doing well in the polls, but don’t tell the Cracker Broadcasting System. TheDC’s Alex Pappas reports: “CBS omitted Herman Cain’s performance in a new Iowa poll of GOP presidential contenders despite his third place finish. On Sunday’s ‘Face the Nation,’ moderator Bob Schieffer correctly said former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney and Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann finished first and second in the poll. But then he passed over Cain, incorrectly saying Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich polled next after the two front-runners.” Either Bob Schieffer has forgotten how to count — a distinct possibility — or he just doesn’t want to give Herman Cain any credit. CBS says it was an accident, and Schieffer didn’t mean to skip over the black guy like he wasn’t even there. Paging Ralph Ellison…

4.) Helen Thomas hasn’t given up yet — Have you been hankerin’ for some Helen Thomas news? Well, here it is anyway. Jeff Poor reports: “In an appearance at the Busboys & Poets bookstore in Washington, D.C. on Sunday afternoon, embattled former Hearst newspapers columnist Helen Thomas, once known as the dean of the White House press corps, said she misses her spot in the White House briefing room. ‘Nothing can replace being there when you’re a reporter,’ Thomas said. ‘Seeing with your own eyes — no, nothing can replace that. I was very lucky to cover history for so long.’ Thomas lost her spot in 2010 after making some ill-advised remarks some regarded as anti-Semitic. Anas ‘Andy’ Shallal, the owner of Busboys & Poets and moderator for her appearance Sunday, followed up by asking her if she had reapplied for those credentials. According to Thomas, she said she had but hadn’t gotten an official response and assumed she had been denied.” Gee, wonder who Thomas blames for that?

5.) Here’s the story of an itchy lady — Remember that episode where Mrs. Brady got a venereal disease? TheDC’s Alec Jacobs writes: “Florence Henderson, best known for playing Carol Brady on the television show ‘The Brady Bunch,’ wasn’t as wholesome as she’d have you believe. After a one-night-stand in the 1960s with then-Mayor of New York City John Lindsay, Henderson contracted pubic lice, or crabs. Now 77, Henderson tells the story in her memoir, ‘Life is Not a Stage,’ due out in September. She was married at the time when she met up with Lindsay, a friend of hers, for drinks at the Beverly Hills Hotel… When she woke up the next morning, she found ‘little black things’ crawling all over her. A visit to the doctor got rid of the problem, and she received flowers and an apologetic note from Lindsay.” Yet another reason Mike wished they slept in different beds.

6.) Today’s words of wisdom from Alec Baldwin’s Twitter feed — “The DJ at this party is killing me. Kill…..ing…..me. Like, as in K.. I…L…L.”

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