DC Trawler

Look out, tea-rrorists, because here comes Van Jones!

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NPR still thinks you need to know what Van Jones is up to, and I couldn’t agree more:

Van Jones was President Obama’s special adviser for “green” jobs when he was hit with a wave of criticism from conservative pundits about his past associations. The controversy forced him to leave his post in September 2009, but it wasn’t the last we’d hear of him.

That same conservative wave went on to make a major splash in Congress through the Tea Party. Jones decided to fight back, founding a group called the “American Dream Movement.”

Some people call Jones’ group a liberal version of the Tea Party. His inspiration, he tells weekends on All Things Considered host Guy Raz, is the silent majority of Americans who he believes oppose Tea Party platforms.

“Sixty to 70 percent of Americans agree that jobs are more important than this debt-ceiling debacle,” Jones says. “Sixty-seven percent of Americans agree that we should raise taxes on the wealthiest in a crisis like this.”

What Jones fails to mention is that the other 45 to 128 percent of Americans want higher taxes too! See, if you take money from people who have too much of it and give it to people who don’t have enough of it, then that will be more fair and everything will be great. And it’ll totally work, even though it’s never worked in the history of the world ever.

But wait, there’s less:

Jones finds it ironic that those who see government as the problem refer to themselves as patriots.

“Everything the Tea Party says about America’s government is how terrible it is,” Jones tells Raz. “You can’t take a wrecking ball, paint it red, white and blue, call yourself a patriot, and then smash down every institution that made America great.”

Not without making sure the unions get their cut, you can’t. See, if you think there should be some limits on government — any limits on government — you don’t deserve to call yourself an American. (And I don’t wanna hear about a bunch of old dead white guys with their quill pens or whatever!) Don’t be surprised if you get called out for your un-Americanism by a communist proud patriot like Van Jones. He represents everyone in America who has pursued happiness but can’t catch it, and it’s your fault. Pay up, terrorbaggers.

Jim Treacher